Screwy Dewey
by BlistersOnMyFingers
Summary: When the American Institution for Elementals is destroyed by Death Eaters, a few of the kids, including James Potters eccentric twin sister Dewey, are sent to Hogwarts. Oh, Godric, this will be interesting. SB/OC JP/LE
1. Introducing: Dewey Potter

**Summary: **When Deatheaters attack a school for elementals in America, the students, inclunding James Potter's (to put it nicely) _odd_sister, are sent to Hogwarts. SBOC.

**Disclaimer:**If I owned Sirius Black, would I be on my laptop writing fanfiction about him? Nope. JK Rowling (the best writer since JRR Tolkien) owns Sirius Black completely. And the others as well, of course. ('Cept for Dewey)

**A/N- **IMPORTANT! I am re-writing this fic because it honestly had no plot, and this time around it will. I hope it will be written better than I had written it last time, and less jumping around, more foreshadowing, character development, ectcetera. I hope my old readers will read this, and that my new readers will enjoy it! Sorry if you didn't want me to re-write it, but it was either this or I was abandoning it. I don't want to ababndon Dewey, so I'm writing it over. Updates will be more frequent, hopefully once a week. There will also be more depth to Sirius/Dewey and Lily/James.

**CHAPTER 1**

_1971_

James Potter had had a great first year at Hogwarts. The exams had been a joke, honestly, who didn't know how to change a match into a needle? He glanced around the compartment at his three best friends. It would be really weird without them this summer, to be sure. He had gotten so used to spending all his time with them that it would be strange to sleep in a room without Sirius' snoring and Remus' occasional nightmares.

Peter was reading some book, and Sirius had drawn a mustache on Remus' face while he was asleep.

"Oi, Remus, wake up!" James said, throwing a chocolate frog at his friends face, "I got something to tell you all." Remus cracked and eye open and grumbled a bit, but obliged. James beamed at his friends and ruffled his hair, "My mum said you lot could come over the last few weeks of summer, I'll owl you the specifics if you want to come, so what do you think?"

"Yeah, if my parents ever let me see the light of day again," Sirius grumbled, "I can imagine mum already 'Gryffindor! _My_son in Gryffindor! Oh, Druella will be pleased she's not the only one with a troubled child! She'll be rubbing it in my face for weeks!'" Sirius used a high, annoying voice to imitate Mrs. Black. "Besides James, don't you have a sister? She'll probably want to spend time with you."

"You kidding?" James exclaimed, "Dewey'll want to meet you all! So will mum and dad!"

"I don't think my mum'll let me go," Remus said, avoiding eye-contact with the others, "She's pretty...over protective."

"I'll ask," Peter barely glanced up from the book he was reading

"How old is you sister, James?" Remus asked politely.

"She's my twin," He responded, "Barely seven minutes older than me."

"Why doesn't she go to Hogwarts, then?"

"I'm sort of not supposed to tell anybody, but you guys won't tell, right?"

"Of course we won't," Sirius said, "We _are_bestest buds," He slung his arm around a guilty looking Remus.

"My sister, Dewey, is a fire elemental," He whispered, glancing around as if they were being watched. "She goes to the American Institution for Elementals, y'know, AIE."

"_No way!" _Sirius shouted, "That's so wicked!"

"Don't fire elementals tend to be, er, a little violent?" Peter asked nervously.

"I dunno, but Dewey's not violent at all. She's just a little bit _different._"

Sirius asked, "Different as in...?"

"Weird," James said, "She's really weird."

Remus raised his eyebrows, "How so?"

James coughed and shifted awkwardly in his seat, "Well, she's obsessed with her beaters' bat, and she- well, you'll see when you meet her." He broke off with a nervous laugh, "She'll be at platform 9 and 3/4, because AIE gets out earlier than Hogwarts, and they start earlier, too."

The train pulled into the station, and Sirius said, "Which one's her? I wanna' see the girly version of you!"

"Trust me," James said, "You'll know who I mean when you see her."

And they did.

Anyone who chose that moment to glance out their window would see a small, scrawny girl, who was a female version of James Potter. She had long, black hair that stuck out in every direction, and was burnt in different sections. Her brown eyes were magnified by wire-rimmed glasses that had tape around the center. Her robes were big on her and parts of it had large scorch marks on them. She was jumping up and down frantically, and appeared to be shouting 'JamieJamieJamieJamie'. A blonde girl, probably 13 years old, was glancing at her, a superior look on her horse-ish face.

James sighed quietly, it wasn't that he didn't like his sister, she just _never got tired_. Now he new how his poor teachers felt when they saw him.

It was going to be a longggg summer.

His friends were all staring out the window at her when Remus saw his reflection.

"Hey! What did you do to my face?"

_1976_

"Now, before we continue on to the feast, I have an announcement to make.," Albus Dumbledore said, standing from his seat at the heads' table, "As I'm sure you know, the American Institution for Elementals was recently destroyed by Death Eaters. The students were generally unharmed, and have been relocated to other schools near their homes. Seventeen of the students have chosen to come to Hogwarts, and I'm positive you will welcome them with open arms."

With that said, the doors to the Great Hall opened, and in walked the new students. Whispers broke out all over the hall, and many younger, muggleborn students were asking their friends what elementals are. As the Headmaster and McGonagall talked quietly to each other about the new students, as the rest of the hall studied the new students.

"James," Remus said, "You didn't tell us Dewey was coming to Hogwarts! I mean, she is coming here, right?"

"Yeah, she's coming here," James said with a sly grin, "I wanted to surprise you guys. Isn't this great?"

"Yeah, great," Sirius said, but no one seemed to notice his sarcasm.

"I don't see her," James said with a frown. They watched as the first few people were sorted (Delacour, Pierre, SLYTHERIN!), until finally 'Potter, Dewey' was called. Many Hogwarts students started whispering and glancing at James, while the AIE kids started to giggle. There was a long pause then,

"Potter, Dewey! Is there a Dewey Potter here?"

The doors banged oped loudly, and a person donned in brightly colored clothes tripped into the room, papers flying everywhere as she fell to the ground, and a skateboard flying out from under her feet and rolling across the hall. After a moment of struggling, it became apparent that she had the leg-locker curse performed on her.

The AIE students, who had been muffling giggles ever since they had called 'Potter, Dewey', all burst out laughing, and a few Hogwarts kids did too.

The girl who tripped lifted her head, and you could see that her black hair was streaked with orange, red and yellow. She scowled at the group of students standing in the middle of the hall. As the spell wore off she stood up and started snatching her papers up off the ground, shoving them into the backpack she held. She finally turned to the head's table,

"Sorry I'm late Professor...s...Professors," she muttered, shifting her weight to her other foot, "_Someone_thought it would be incredibly amusing to lock me in the baggage compartment for the entire train ride, and I was stuck there untill the house-elves came to get the luggage." She glared toward Pierre Delacour, who was seated at the Slytherin table.

"I hope this does not become a regular occurrence. May I inquire as to why you chose not to wear the school uniform Miss...?" McGonagall said, trailing off at the end.

"I'm Dewey, m'am, Dewey Potter."

"More like _Screwy_Potter!" Someone called out.

Dewey didn't seem to care about her new nickname, and instead, she glanced down at her bizarre outfit, she had on a bright orange, flowy skirt that fell to her knees, James' enormous old quidditch sweatshirt (the word POTTER in big gold letters on the back), and purple high-top converse with green laces on them. "As to why I'm not wearing a uniform, I believe uniforms were created to destroy the creative process, without which, you can never grow-up. If you are able to express yourself, then you won't pull outrageous stunts to prove to people what you're style is. Take my brother James and his friends, for an example (there was a loud 'Oi!' from the Gryffindor table). Also, uniforms catch on fire very easily...which happens more than you would think." McGonagall opened her mouth, most likely to tell her off, when Dumbledore cut her off,

"I'm sure, as it is your first day, we can make and exception, but be prepared by the first day of classes. Now, if you would kindly place the Sorting Hat on your head, so we can continue with the rest of the students."

"Sorting Hat? All we have to do is put on a _hat_? James and Sirius told me we had to...never mind, I probably shouldn't say it out loud." She walked up to McGonagall and put the hat on. She started as she heard a voice in her head, _What's this?_ it said, _another Potter? Hmm...you're very rash, which could be mistaken for bravery, you're loyal, but not quite hardworking, so Hufflepuff is out, Slytheryn, definitely not..._

Are you my conscience? She thought back, I suppose not...but I'd really like to be in Gryffindor, sooooo it'd be really nice if you put me there, Hat, sir, thing, m'am.

A soft chuckle filled her head, _Gryffindor, yes... you're rash, bold, and slightly insane, it's perfect._

Hey! She thought, but the Sorting Hat had already shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!" James, Remus, and Peter stood up and cheered for her, and (as usual) everyone else followed their lead and started clapping too, but gave her odd looks as she passed by them. When she sat down in between James and Sirius, James slung an arm over her shoulder, and, in a sing-song voice, said,

"Hey, big sister!"

"Hey, little bro," she sang back.

"I thought you would be in Slytherin, for sure," he whispered as the sorting continued. At her affronted look, he explained, "Have you ever seen yourself glare at someone?" He shuddered, "It's absolutely terrifying." Dewey snorted, then turned and watched the rest of the sorting.

It only took a few more minutes, and then the Headmaster explained the rules, the FORBIDDEN Forest, ect. When the food finally appeared Peter shouted, "FOOD!" and they all dug in.

The Marauders were lounging in the Common Room when Sirius spoke up,"Prongs, shouldn't you be off doing something Head Boyish?"

"Nah," He said, "I only had to tell the Prefects what to do, they handle the midgets-errr first years and stuff, so I don't have to do anything tonight."

Dewey walked over to them and sat down next to Sirius, who subtly scooted away from her.

"'Sup, bitches?" She asked throwing her feet up on the table and linking her hands behind her head.

"Nothing much, Dewster," James said, "Just chillin' like a villain. Right dawgs?"

Everyone stared at him.

"James," Dewey said, "You have never been to America. You can't pull off the New York City slicker thing. You. Are. British."

"So are you!" He cried, "Why can't I pull it off?"

"I've been going to school in New York City since I was eleven. I can pull it off."

Before he had the chance to respond, a petite, red-headed girl walked over to them.

"Hello," She smiled at Dewey, completely ignoring the Marauders, "I'm Lily Evans, head girl, if you need any help at all just tell me."

"Where are the dorms?" Dewey stood up and stretched, "I'm pretty tired."

Lily led Dewey to the stairs and they chatted politely with one another.

"If your brother and his friends _ever_bother you, just tell me," Lily instructed, "They are so immature!"

"Well," Dewey said, narrowing her eyes, "I think that they're funny. James _is_my brother."

"Hopefully you won't be anything like him, I can't imagine _two_people that annoying!" Lily seemed unaware that she was offending Dewey. "Oh, wait," Lily said, wrinkling her nose, "There already are two people that annoying, I forgot Black."

"Look," Dewey said, as they reached the door to their dormitories, "You don't know anything about Sirius! And I don't appreciate you bagging on my brother either!"

Dewey calmly walked away and went into the bathroom, breathing deeply.

Lily didn't care that the new girl didn't like her. After all, she _was_a Potter. Not James, but still Dewey Potter. That new girl was weird, Lily thought as Dewey exited the bathroom and sat down on her bed, meditating.

_Dewey Potter, _Lily mused, _more like Screwy Dewey._

She didn't think that, as she giggled with Alice about the nickname, her other room mates would overhear them talking.

But they did, and the name stuck.


	2. Dont Be A Baby, You Barely Fell Ten Feet

**I know, I know, you all hate me cuz I restarted :) I'm okay with that though...**

**READ THIS: It's because I had no idea what to do next, and the chapters I had written got deleted when my computer crashed. So I was either going to abandon this or restart it, and if you don't approve: TOO BAD! Because I already did it, so get over it. It WAS stupid of me to do, I'll admit it. I sort of did it on a whim...Sorry, but I don't really care if you don't approve. I am really mad at myself for doing it though, but I'm over it.**

**And yes, I am bribing you by posting this chapter now. I will be updating much more frequently.**

Chapter Two

_1971_

Dorea Potter ran around the house, rearranging pillows and getting the scorch marks off the wall with her wand. It was dark out now, meaning James' friend would be here soon...

A small black blur ran past her screaming.

"Dewey!" Mrs. Potter shouted after the blur, "No running in the house!"

"Muuh-uuum," James whined to her as he skulked past, "Dewey stole my quidditch magazine!"

Dorea Potter ran a tired hand over her face as James left the room and followed Dewey. "Give the magazine back to your brother!"

"Chudley Cannons _suck!"_ Dewey shouted, waving the magazine in James' face.

"They do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

"Do not!"

"Do to!" James clapped a hand over his mouth as Dewey laughed and ran from the room, James hot on her heels.

"No!" Dorea heard James shout, "Don't do that- MUM! DEWEY LIT MY QUIDDITCH MAGAZINE ON FIRE!"

"Dewey Andromeda Potter! _What _did I tell you about lighting fires in the house?" Dorea ran into the other room to find a half-burnt magazine on the floor and James chasing Dewey around the table. Dewey skidded to a halt in front of her mother.

"To not to," She blinked innocently. "But antagonizing James is so much fun, I just had to!"

"We have _guests_ coming today, Dewey. No more fooling around," Dorea guided her to the staircase, "Go clean your room."

"Why?" Dewey mumbled, "It's not like anyone's going to be in my room anyway." She raised her voice, "Because _someone_ won't let me have my friend over!"

"I've said it before, Dewey," Dorea wagged her finger at Dewey, "It isn't appropriate for you to be friends with a fifteen year old boy!"

"_Why?_ I told you Doon was chill."

"Because I said so, now go! And 'chill' is not a proper word to describe someone with." Dorea turned to James and smiled at him, shaking her head, "Where on earth did she get her wild streak from?"

"No idea, mum," James grinned, just as the door chimed. "He's here!"

James opened the door and Sirius walked in uninvited, clapping James on the back and dropping his stuff on the floor.

"I can_not_ believe your mum let you come," James said to him, pulling Sirius over to meet his mum.

"I know!" Sirius exclaimed, "She said she's happy all of my friends are purebloods."

"Isn't Remus a half-blood?"

"Well, yeah, but I didn't tell her that."

James high-fived his friend before introducing him to his mother. "Mum, this is Sirius. He's my _best friend_."

Dorea laughed, and then they heard a loud 'bang' from upstairs.

"What was _that_?" Sirius asked, staring after Mrs. Potter, who had dashed up the stairs after the explosion.

"Oh," James shrugged, "That was my sister."

"Is she okay?"

"Probably," James dismissed the subject easily, and began talking animatedly about the broom his parents had bought him.

Mrs. Potter came back down, wiping black smoke off of her face. "Well," She said, "I hope this doesn't spoil your first impression of, Sirius, but my daughter can be a bit...eccentric. Moving on, when are your other friends coming, James?"

"I _told_ you, mum," James rolled his eyes, playing 'cool' now that Sirius was here, "Remus said he wasn't feeling well, but he'll be here in a few days, and Peter's family went to Australia for the summer to visit his aunt."

"Of course, dear. Why don't you two go get ready for dinner?"

"Is Dewey coming down?" James asked his mother.

"No," Dorea said, her lips thinning, "She's grounded to her room until she learns that mattresses are not made to be blown up. Honestly, that's the third time this week."

"Third what?" Charlus Potter said as he entered the room, wiping dust from the floo off of him, "Did Dewey blow up another mattress?"

"Yes. I want you to talk to her," Mr. Potter chuckled, "Char! This isn't funny!" After winking at the boys and kissing his wife on the cheek he headed up the stairs to talk to Dewey, Mrs. Potter following him.

Sirius turned to James, "How do you blow up a mattress?"

"It's really not as difficult as it sounds," James shrugged, swiping one of his mothers cookies of the counter while she was out of the room.

"Is _every_ day here like this?"

"You don't know the half of it..."

_1976_

Dewey wandered aimlessly down the empty Hogwarts corridor, dragging her hand along the stone wall and the edges of the paintings. Her eyes were closed and she was humming under her breath. The sun was coming up. She could feel it getting closer.

Dewey found a window and opened it slowly, walking onto the roof outside of the window and sitting down, ready to feel the sun come up.

Just as she was getting comfortable, and was able to feel the heat creep over her skin, someone interrupted her quiet time.

"Dewey? Is that you?" Came a voice from the other side of the window.

She cracked an eye open and let out a huff, before putting on a happy face. "Hello, this is Dewey, may I inquire as to whom I am speaking with?"

"Er, Sirius," He climbed out onto the roof, banging his head on the window as he stepped onto the roof.

"How did you know I was here?" She asked, eying the old piece of parchment that he was shoving into his pocket suspiciously.

"What, you think I was looking for you?" He shot back, his eyes darting around.

"Actually, I didn't think that. But now I do."

"Well, I wasn't." Sirius changed the subject, "What are you doing out here anyway?"

"Feeling the sun come up," Dewey said, waving her hand toward the now-pink horizon line.

"_Feeling_ the sun come up?" Sirius sounded skeptical.

"Mmhmm," Dewey nodded, closing her eyes again and stretching out on the roof, holding her hands out in front of her torso, grasping at thin air, "Like this."

"Riiiight," Sirius raised his eyebrows, "You have fun with that."

"I will."

"This is _so_ much fun."

"Make one more sarcastic comment and I'm going to push you off the roof." Dewey glared at him through one eye.

"Sheesh," Sirius scooted away from her, "Isn't someone just little miss sunshine-y today?"

Dewey stood up and pushed him off. There was a dull thud and then a loud, _"Ow!"_

"I warned you!" She called after him.

"I think you dislocated my shoulder," Sirius cried out.

"Don't be a baby," She said, jumping down next to him, "That wasn't more than ten feet."

"Yeah," Sirius grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his shoulder, "Ten feet of excruciating pain."

Dewey rolled her eyes but helped him to his feet. "Let's go. The Great Hall should be opening now, right?"

"Yeah, the Hospital Wing should be opening too," Sirius snapped.

"The Hospital Wing never closes, stupid." Sirius shrugged, but then winced in pain.

There was an awkward silence all the way to the hall, and when they got there McGonagall was just opening the doors.

"Mr. Black," She nodded curtly, "Punctual as ever. And Ms. Potter, up much earlier than your brother will ever be, I assure you." She handed them there schedules and took a seat at the head table.

"She totally just dissed James, didn't she?" Dewey snorted.

"She tends to do that," Sirius said absentmindedly, "James is always late to her class, the idiot. He just never learns."

Dewey snorted and glanced around the hall. Dumbledore had just entered the hall, winking towards them and smiling politely. Barely five minutes later a Hufflepuff girl walked into the hall and sat down across from Sirius. She had shoulder length brown hair and earth green eyes.

"Sorry I'm late, but get this." She said to Sirius, "Edgar Bones dumped Lynette Corner for Emma Peterson, who he's been cheating on Lynette with for months, apparently."

"Aren't Emma and Lynette best friends?" Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, "Wait, why are you telling me this? Why should I _care?"_

"_Because,"_ The girl said, "There's going to be a girl fight in the abandoned corridor on the third floor at noon, and I've been wanting to see Emma Peterson get bitch-slapped for years."

Sirius looked at his schedule, "Damn, d'you think Binns would notice if I left for a half-hour bathroom break?"

"Doubt it," The girl snorted, "Just leave after he takes attendance and come back before the end, that's what I do every time I have history of magic."

"Didn't you fail you history of magic OWL?"

"What's your point?" Finally noticing Dewey, the Hufflepuff introduced herself, "Oh! Hello there!" She reached across the table to shake Dewey's hand, "I'm Pippin Harrison. Yes, my full name is Peregrin, yes, it is a boys name, and yes, I am named after a Lord of the Rings character. And you are?"

"I'm Dewey Potter," They shook hands, "My name is a dude's name too."

"Wicked," The Hufflepuff stood up, revealing her average height, "I see Ray, I'm going to go tell him. He is _so_ going to want to be there."

"She was...interesting," Dewey said to Sirius as Pippin walked away.

"That's Pip for you," Sirius said, before the awkwardness returned. "Look, Dewey, what happened last summer..."

"Nothing happened last summer," She said, raising her eyebrows again. "Right?"

"Yeah. 'Course." Sirius nodded, shrugging casually, then rubbing his shoulder.

Later, when the other Marauders came into the hall, both Sirius and Dewey acted like nothing had happened.

It was going to be a looong year.

**A/N**

**1- Do you want me to keep Screwy Dewey going or not?**

**2- Sorry I restarted it, it was a stupid decision on my part.**

**3- Do you like Pippin? I do :)**

**4- Yes, I'm bribing you into reading my fic by constantly updating. I'll probably update again tomorrow. Because I have no life.**


	3. Dewey, Meet Sirius Black

**Glad you like Pippin :) She's pretty cool.**

Chapter Three

_1971- Potter Residence_

Sirius shut his eyes and rolled over again. He just could not get to sleep. Maybe it was because his parents weren't screaming down the hall at each other. Or maybe because Regulus hadn't come into his room crying about how mummy and daddy were always being mean nowadays, and complaining of nightmares. Whatever the reason, it was keeping him awake late into the night.

The door creaked open slowly and Sirius rolled onto his stomach, feigning sleep. It was probably just Mrs. Potter checking on James. Sirius was happy his mother never did that. It was creepy. Really, he was happy she didn't care. At all.

When he thought she was gone, he rolled back towards the ceiling, opening his eyes. Sirius jumped, startled, and banged his head on the head board.

Someone was leaning over his bed.

He opened his mouth to scream, but the person covered a hand with something small and scalding hot. It took a moment for him to realize it was someones hand.

"Shhh!" The figure said, "Do you _want_ to wake up my mother?" The voice was obviously a girls, he thought as she lifted her hand from his mouth.

"Who _are_ you_?" _Sirius asked.

"The real question is," She said, "_Who _are_ you_? Now quiet down a bit, James is sleeping."

He heard her whisper _'lumos'_ and then a bright light was shined right into his eyes.

"Ow!" Sirius protested.

"Oh, don't be a baby, I barely shined it in your eyes for ten seconds," The girl rolled her eyes. Once his eyes had adjusted to the light Sirius noticed the girls tall but young stature, and her resemblance to James.

"You must be Dewey," Sirius concluded.

"Correctomundo, padawan," She said, Pushing her glasses up her nose. She set the wand down on the bed and leaned over him again, until her nose was touching his.

And Sirius, as a twelve year old, had never been quite this close to a girl before. Sure, he had held hands with Lynette Corner when James dared him to walk around the black lake with her, but that was about it.

"You," Dewey said, tilting her head back up, "Have very pretty eyes."

"Uh, thank you?" Sirius' answer was more of a question than an actual response.

"You're welcome," Dewey hopped onto the side of the bed, and Sirius sat up, crossing his legs under the covers. "I've never seen anyone with gray eyes before. Your eyes are gray. Like on really foggy morning, except a little darker."

Sirius just blinked at her.

"What's your name?" She asked, "Are you Remus, Peter, or Sirius?"

"I'm Sirius Black," He held out his hand for her to shake, but she just stared at it and let him drop it awkwardly.

"Is your middle name Lee?"

"No," Sirius answered slowly, like he was talking to a mental person. "It's Orion."

"Oh," She sounded disappointed. "My middle name is Andromeda. I was named after your cousin."

"Are we even related?" Sirius tried to conjure the image of his family tree in his mind, but he had spent so long trying to forget it that he couldn't picture it.

"Sort of," Dewey responded, shrugging her shoulders casually.

Sirius huffed. This girl was impossible! "How can you 'sort of' be related to someone?"

"Well," She said, playing with her fingers, "My mum is your mum's aunt."

"So we're related," Sirius concluded.

"My mum was adopted," Dewey said, "So we're sort of related."

"_Oh_kay..." Sirius shrugged, "Wait, how are you doing magic? Shouldn't the ministry be banging on the doors about underage stuff?"

"Di'nt'cha know?" Dewey said, "In homes with magical adults the ministry people can't tell who's doing the magic."

"Wicked."

"Did you know that there are more kangaroos than people in Australia?" Dewey asked, and Sirius shook his head, "Isn't that _so _cool? I thought that'd be so cool if we had kangaroos in England. Or kwalas. I mean koe-ah-lahs."

"_Riiiight,"_ Sirius made to say something else, but Dewey shushed him, holding up her hand. Someone was walking down the hallway.

"Sleep," She hissed to him.

Dewey vaulted her self off the bed, somersaulting across the floor and rolling under James' bed.

Obeying her, Sirius once again feigned sleep, throwing an arm over his face and slitting his eyes so he could see a little of the room.

He saw the light from the hallway pour into the room as Mrs. Potter opened the door.

"Where could that girl be?" He heard Mrs. Potter mutter to herself as she shut the door and shuffled away.

"Oh my Godric!" Half of Dewey's head popped out of mid air, making Sirius gasp in surprise. "Did you see that? I was like _whoosh_ and then_ doo doo doo_ and the I grabbed the invisibility cloak and was like _splam! _I feel like a ninja!" As Dewey talked she waved her arms around crazily, adding motion to her sound effects while she was still half under the invisibility cloak.

"Right," She said after a moment of silence, where Sirius just stared at her, "Tell James I'll give him back his cloak tomorrow."

With that, Dewey grinned widely at Sirius before ducking under the invisibility and leaving the room. Sirius watched the door open and close on its own, and stood up like he was going to follow her out, but then thought better of it.

Sirius Black fell back onto his bed with a sigh. Dewey Potter wasn't like any girls he new. Some girls liked make-up and stuff, but Dewey obviously didn't care that she had been wearing pajamas. And some girls, like that Lily Evans, hated pranks, but she was grounded and blew stuff up, so she must be cool.

And thus, Sirius Black's first crush was formed.

_1977- Hogwarts_

James Potter walked down the hallway with an arm slung lazily around his best friend, Sirius.

"You see, Sirius," He said, looking off into the distance thoughtfully, "Evans and I are meant to be."

"What are you talking about," Sirius asked. He looked in the direction James was looking, "And what are you looking at?"

"I'm looking at my way in," James exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air and spinning around. "Don't you get it? Don't you _understand?"_

"No," Sirius sounded exasperated, "I don't get it, James. _Because I have no idea what you're talking about!"_

"It's destiny!" James shouted, "I have an in to Lily's personal life! Dewey, _my sister,_ is her room mate! They can be best friends and Dewey can find out what she likes and out in a good word for me and we'll all live happily ever after! Me and Lily will be married, you'll live in the play wizard mansion, Remus will discover the cure to werewolfie-ism, and Dewey will be a nun!"

"There are so many things wrong with that sentence," Sirius muttered, "First, I am not a play wizard. Second, werewolfie-ism isn't the correct term. It's not even a word. The right word is lycanthropy. And third, Dewey is a fire elemental witch. The only way they could hate her more would be if she went up and said, 'Hi, I'm a Satanist, we're sacrificing a virgin on the hill tonight, here's a flier!'"

"Pshhh," James rolled his eyes, "She's not going to _tell_ the convent that she's a witch. _Duh."_

Sirius stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "You're an idiot. Besides, I don't think Dewey and Lily will get along that well. I mean, Lily is hard working and studious, and Dewey is...Dewey."

"Fine!" James shouted, "Let me weep as you destroy my hopes and dreams!" They walked in silence for a moment when James asked, "What's up between you and Dewey, anyway? You've both been really tense since this summer."

"Nothing," Sirius said quickly, "Nothing's up. Why would you think something is up? Because nothing is." With that, Sirius opened the door and entered history of magic.

After Binns had finished taking roll Sirius left, looking at the Marauders Map to find where the fight was going to be.

"What's up?" Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice behind him. He'd been so busy looking for the fight that he hadn't seen Dewey Potter walking down the hall behind him. "Looking for that fight Pippin was talking about."

"Yeah," Sirius muttered, "It's this way."

There was a huge crowd up people standing in the hallway chanting _'Fight! Fight! Fight!'_

"And Corner takes a swipe at Peterson, ohhh, that's gotta' hurt..." Pippin, apparently, had taken it upon herself to commentate the fight. "Finally! Emma Peterson get's bitch-slapped, folks," Several people cheered, "Right across the face. Oh, I've waited so long for this moment."

"McGonagall!" Someone shouted, "She's coming! Scatter!"

People ran in every direction, trying to flee from the strict professor. Sirius was in a secret passage way out of there when he realized he had left Dewey behind.

"Godric damn it!" He cursed, turning around to get her. James would kill him if he let her get lost.

He found Dewey casually walking down the hallway humming, having no idea where she was, or where she was going.

"Oh," She said when she saw him, "There you are, Sirius."

"C'mon, Dewey," He said, grabbing her arm, "Let's get out of here before-"

"Mr. Black," Damnit. "I should have known you would be involved in this," McGonagall wagged her finger at him before turning to Dewey. "And Ms. Potter, I had hoped you would be less rambunctious than your brother, but that is obviously not the case."

"But we didn't do anything," Sirius pointed out, "We're just walking down the hall."

McGonagall's lips pulled into a tight frown, "And are you or are you not supposed to be in class right now?" Neither student said anything. "Detention. Tomorrow night at seven, come to my classroom. Both of you."

"Yes, professor," Sirius said monotonously.

Dewey smiled in a friendly manner, "Be there or be square."

At McGonagall's raised eyebrows and questioning look, Sirius shook his head.

"Dewey, let's just get back to class," Sirius said, taking her arm and leading her away.

At the end of the hall she waved good-bye to the professor and began to play with a lighter.

Dewey Potter was strange, there was no denying it.

And Sirius Black still could figure out why being so strange made her so attractive. Or maybe it was just him? He stopped to consider this.

_Nahh..._

**Three update in a week! Yay bribery! Happy thanksgiving to you Americans (including me! I love Thanksgiving...no school, and lots of food.)**

**Haha, guess what I'm doing this Sunday? Me and a bunch of other girls are dressing up as Harry Potter characters and then going to see New Moon, every time Edward comes on screen my friend is going to gasp 'Cedric? You're alive?' and right at the mushy part I'm going to stand up and announce 'Sorry guys! Wrong movie! I thought it was Harry Potter...y'know, I just keep getting Cedric and Edward mixed up...' and then apologize to the other people in the theater and leave, and not come back. One of my more brilliant pranks, if I do say so myself.**

**Why am I telling you this? Because I'm giving you all a mission to go to your local movie theater with your friends and do the same thing. Don't disappoint me, agent 007.**


	4. Dewey Potter's Cleaning Techniques

**Gasp! The last chapter with 1971 in it! The next one will be 1973, probably**

**Disclaimer: I never claimed to own HP...because I don't**

**CHAPTER Fuh-OAR**

_Dewey Potter's Cleaning Techniques_

_1971_

"United we stand, divided we fall

Together we are what we cannot be alone."

-Boys on Docks, Dropkick Murphy's

Two days after Mrs. Potter had grounded her daughter, she let her out of her room. Of course, she never found out that Dewey had sneaked out of her room to meet Sirius, and she hopefully never would.

Young Remus Lupin had arrived the day before (such a sweet boy...) and Dorea decided that Dewey had spent enough time locked in her room, and went to tell her to come to breakfast.

"Dewey," She called through the door, "I'm going to let you come down for breakfast, but after that you're still grounded!"

She opened the door, and the little girl flew past her and said, "Thanks mum, I won't blow up another mattress, I promise!"

Dewey ran down the stairs in her pajamas, "Yeah, right," She said to herself, _"Not_ blowing up mattresses? Pshht, what else are you s'posed to do with 'em?"

When she entered the kitchen, she saw James, Sirius, and one other kid eating eggs and bacon. She opened her mouth and shouted, "I'M FREEEE! Temporarily."

James jumped noticeably and knocked over his glass of pumpkin juice. He held a hand to his heart and sun around in his seat, "Godric, Dewey! Don't scare me like that!"

She shrugged and walked over to the table, sitting next to James' friend, and across from Sirius and James.

"G'morning James, Sirius, other kid I don't know," She nodded at each of them.

The other kid smiled tentatively at her, "My name is Remus."

"I'm Dewey," She grinned, before burning a piece of bacon and popping it into her mouth. "The BAMFin twin. James is the wimpy mama's boy."

"Am not!" James protested.

Dewey tilted her head, "You're right. You aren't _completely_ wimpy, but you _are_ a mama's boy."

Sirius snickered into is plate quietly, and James whacked him upside the head so hard that Sirius' face smashed into his plate and when he pulled his head up he was covered in eggs. "Aren't you _grounded _Dewey? It's only been two days, and mum said each mattress you blew up was worth a day in your room."

"It's possible."

Dewey ate her meal deliberately slowly, hoping to spend as much time outside of her room as she could. James glanced at her shrewdly, "If you didn't know Remus' name how'd you know Sirius'?"

"We were assigned to work together on a secret mission the ministry gave us last August," Dewey said this as though it couldn't have been more obvious, "Duh."

James goggled at her, "I thought you were _joking _about being a secret auror!"

"James," Sirius said sternly, "Being a secret auror isn't something to joke about."

Dewey beamed at Sirius, who blushed slightly and shoveled more food into his mouth. Remus noticed and smirked at Sirius from across of him, who kicked his shin under the table.

When Dewey did have to go back into her room, she sunk back into a deep bout of boredom. About an hour later there was a knock on her window.

Dewey opened her window to find a her best friend on a branch right outside the house.

"_Doon?"_ She gasped with a grin, surprised to find the handsome sixteen year old sitting on a tree branch outside her window. "What are you- how...can you teach me to fly that thing?"

Doon chuckled. Dewey Potter was quite an interesting person. You see, no one particularly liked fire elementals, and that's what he and Dewey were. As the only fire elementals in the school, they had formed an alliance. Dewey had quickly become the most interesting eleven (now twelve) year old he had ever met, and he had decided to take her under his wing.

By that he meant that he had taught her to pick locks, pick pockets, eavesdrop, follow people (not stalk them, Doon claimed), and now he was going to teach her something greater than all of those put together. What that was, he wasn't quite sure. But it would come to him. It always did.

When Dewey had gone to AIE, the other students had been anything but welcoming. But Dewey was never one to be discouraged, and she soon found a friend in Doon, who was the only other fire elemental in the school at the time.

"I'm here to rescue you," Doon grinned, "From your eternal damnation."

"Thank the fire lord!" She half-shouted, before climbing out her window and following him down the street and creating a (quite illegal) portkey onto the street right out of the Leaky Cauldron, landing in a puddle.

"Whew," Doon shook his head like a dog, his eyes wild, "Who needs drugs when you can get a rush like _that_ from a portkey?" He paused, then laughed again. Dewey shook her head. Doon had always told her breaking actual laws was much more of a rush than breaking school rules, and she couldn't help but agree.

Just as they were about to enter the pub, Doon noticed a particularly nice looking motorcycle parked next to the curb. When he got closer to it, it became apparent that it was a wizards motorbike.

"Young Dewey," He said, placing a hand on her head, mussing up her hair even more, "It's time I teach you how to steal something large. Like this." He let his fingers run over the seat and handle, and he swung his leg over the bike.

Pulling the lighter out of his pocket, he captured the flame in his palm and sent it into the ignition. He let his other hand hover over it and, in a few seconds, the bike rumbled to life.

At Dewey's astonished look, he winked, "Anything is possible with a little fire, and a little magic. Now hop on, Dewster."

Dewey hesitated, her mind was screaming 'No! This is stealing! _Grand theft auto!' _She was about to say that they should find something else to do, when she realized that the voice screaming 'No!' at her was her mother's voice.

So, Dewey did what any other rebelling pre-teen would have done. She got on. At 5'7", she was exceptionally tall for a twelve year old, and was able to swing her leg over and straddle the bike with ease. Besides, did a motorcycle even count as grand theft auto? She means, they're not that grand...

Later on, Doon dropped her off at her window and her mum entered the room.

"What was that?" Dorea said, referring to the rumbling noise outside, and eying her daughter (who was laying on her bed, eyes closed)

"I think it was just thunder," Dewey said innocently.

Unfortunately for Dewey, her mother noticed the muddy footprints leading from the windowsill and into the room.

And she was so close to getting away with it

_1976_

"I can't believe you have detention in the first week of school," Remus scolded his friends. "Was it necessary for the two of you to skip classes on the first day?"

"I can't believe you didn't tell me there would be a fight," James whined. "How would you feel if I didn't tell you, and _you_ missed a chick fight?"

"It was only history of magic," Sirius rolled his eyes, "it's not like I need that for whatever job I would get, if I even get a job." He leaned forwards towards his friends, "I'm planning on living off the money my Uncle Alphard left me. It's enough for decades!"

Dewey spoke up too, "I'm just going to wing it when I leave Hogwarts." She stretched her arms casually above her head, "I'm only taking four classes, so I don't really qualify for any job."

Remus looked scandalized. _"Four_ classes?"

"Yeah," Dewey frowned. "You have to take at least four, so I'm taking Defense, Care of Magical Creatures, Potions, and History of Magic. 'Course, I can just ditch Binns class, so it's more like three courses."

"You are going no where in life," Sirius told her. She pulled a face at him.

"I'll just mooch off James," She claimed.

"Er, no," James said, looking up and pushing his glasses up his nose. "I'll be living with my wife, Lily, and our three kids, Lillian, Lilith, and Lily junior."

"You've actually thought this out?" Peter said, raising his eyebrows. "That's so creepy."

"You're a terrible twin," Dewey glared at him, "Now I'm going to be forced to mooch off Mr. Inheritance over there." The shoved Sirius, who flailed his arms before falling off the arm of the couch. She grabbed the back of his robes and hauled him to his feet, "C'mon, Sirius, it's time for detention, and you need to show me where McGonagall's room is."

When they arrived in her classroom, the strict teacher took their wands and led them to the trophy room, leaving them with two rags and a bucket of soapy water, informing them to clean the room, no magic. She left, locked the door, informing them that it would unlock as soon as the trophies were sufficiently clean.

Sirius grabbed a ladder from the other side of the room and started working on the trophies that were higher up, while Dewey stood down and worked on the center ones.

"This one went to some dude named Tom Riddle," Dewey called out to him after a half an hour of silence, "I wish my last name was Riddle, then I could go around saying 'Riddle me this!' to people!"

"Why don't you marry this Tom guy, then," Sirius teased her. "That way you'll be a Riddle too."

"Ew," Dewey wrinkled her nose, "He must be really old by now."

They chatted amiably, trying to stall the inevitable awkward silence that they both knew was coming. When it did fall, it lasted for about another hour.

Sirius was almost working on the top three layers trophies, while Dewey had nearly finished all of the bottom ones. She was now crouching on the ground to reach the bottom ones.

Sirius finished up the upper ones and moved the ladder back to the other side of the room, waiting for Dewey to finish.

"Oi, Sirius," She called him back over to where she was cross-legged on the ground, "Can you tell that I didn't clean the back of this trophy? I don't want to have to reach around it."

Dewey waved her hand towards a rather large trophy that was on the bottom.

"Well," Sirius said, eying the trophy, _"I_ can't tell, but McGonagall charmed the door to stay shut until everything was clean."

"Bollocks," She frowned, before she got onto her knees and bent forward to reach around the trophy. Sirius couldn't help but watch.

When she bent even further, Sirius unconsciously leaned forward. It was easy for Sirius' hormone-infested brain to exaggerate the movements in his mind.

She moved back and forth a few times before they heard the lock to the door 'click' open and Dewey turned around to put the cleaning rag back in the bucket, when she caught Sirius in the act.

"You're staring at my arse!" She accused.

Sirius' face slowly colored, a blush creeping up his neck, "Am not!" He protested.

"It's alright, Sirius," She stood up and winked at him, "My arse is rather lovely."

Sirius' face felt like it was on fire. He just been caught ogling his best mates sisters bum. Luckily for him, James wasn't very over protective of his sister. And, hopefully, James would never find out.

"How are we supposed to get our wands back?" Dewey questioned as though nothing strange (or incredibly humiliating) had occurred a moment ago.

"Oh, er," Sirius peeled a package off the wall, "She leaves them in here so we don't have to wake her up."

"Thanks," Dewey said as she walked a few paces ahead, examining the paintings on the wall, leaving Sirius to (once again) stare at her arse.

"Yeah, it's really arseful," Sirius eyes shot away from Dewey and to the ceiling, "I mean helpful! It's really helpful!"

Dewey chuckled up ahead and shot him a look as if to say 'Really, Sirius?' "Control yourself, man. I know you're part dog and all, but seriously, Sirius?"

"That stopped being funny when we were eight," Sirius muttered, still red in the face.

"Dude, we met when we were twelve," Dewey reminded him.

"The details are unimportant," He waved his hand absentmindedly at her.

"Abstinence," Dewey said. It took Sirius a moment to realize that she was saying the password to The Fat Lady, because they had reached the common room. She muttered to herself, "Who would make the password abstinence? It's obvious that kids don't practice it here." She stood up straighter and stretched, bending over backwards so her back would crack. "Well, g'night Sirius."

Unfortunately for Sirius, he wouldn't get a good nights sleep, for he was too busy dreaming about a certain Potter and her cleaning techniques.

**Poor, poor, Sirius. He really never stood a chance.**


	5. Awkward Situations

**Merry (or Happy, for you British folks) Christmas**

**Happy Hanukkah (sp?)**

**Happy Kwanza**

**Happy 2010**

**Happy anything else you celebrate!**

**SCReWY DeWeY**

**CHAPTeR FIVe**

**Awkward Sitiuations**

"Happy Marijuanika"

-My sisters boyfriend

_Summer 1973 (Dewey is fourteen)_

Dewey Potter was staying at her close personal friend, Larissa Jones house for the last two weeks of her summer vacation. Larissa owned a house in a suburb outside of New York, so when summer ended, they could go to school together, which would be more convenient for the Potters.

At least, that's what she told her mum.

In reality, she was living with her best friend and fellow fire elemental, Doon, at his crappy place in New York City. Doon was seventeen, and had his own place, so it made everything easier.

Dewey rolled over on the uncomfortable couch, she could feel the springs through the worn down cushion.

It was her third night in this shit-hole and she was loving it.

"Hey, Doon," She called out. "Do you own this place?"

"Nah," He said, reentering the room with two beers in his hand. "It's abandoned."

"Oh." She tentatively took the beer he handed her. "How does the electricity work, then?"

Doon rolled his eyes like it was obvious, "Magic. _Duh."_

"Er," Dewey used a beer opener to pop the top of the glass bottle, "I've never had beer before. Or any type alcoholic beverage."

"Really?" He scrunched his eyebrows together. "Hm, well, you don't have to."

"No, no," Dewey smirked at him. "I think I'm old enough to lose my beer virginity."

She raised the can to her lips hesitantly, and took a sip. The carbonated drink burned the inside of her mouth and she coughed, clamping a hand over her lips to she wouldn't spit it out.

Doon burst out laughing at her expense.

"Oh Merlin!" She cried, "It went up my nose! Ow, fuhhh- dude, this isn't funny! It really burns!"

Dewey freaked out for a little while before they both fell into silence.

After a few minutes, Doon spoke up. "Say beer can."

"Beer can," Dewey said. When they were bored, Doon would make her say things he thought sounded funny with a British accent.

He snickered, "Dude, when you say beer can in a British accent, it sounds like Bacon in Jamaican. Say banana."

"Banana."

He actually laughed, muttering under his breath. "Heh, buh-nuh-nuh."

"What?" She shoved his shoulder. "You say buh-nana. That's just...just..."

"Let's go on the roof," He suggested randomly, grabbing more beer bottles on his was out.

_Swing...Smash._

_Swing...Glass breaking_

_Swing...Metal clanking._

_Swing..._"Ow!"

"Sorry," Dewey giggled.

"I never. _Never ever ever. _Woulda thoughta you as a giggler," Doon slurred.

This made her giggle harder.

Surrounding Doon's abandoned house were several ware houses and storage homes. During the day, they walked through the city, snatching stuff from peoples stands and graffiti-ing walls.

At night, however, when everyone left the ware houses, they were alone for a half mile in each direction.

Dewey swung her golf club again, trying to hit the golf ball off of the top of her empty beer bottle, but only succeeded in smashing off the neck.

Doon swung at his and they heard a window of one of the ware houses break.

"Oh shit," Doon said through his chuckles, and Dewey was giggling harder than ever.

When she missed again, she through the club to the ground, "Only rich people play golf anyway!"

"Dewey, you are a rich person." He informed her, "I mean, you're British."

"What does that have to do with _anything?"_

"I dunno...it gives off the air of richyness."

Dewey opened her mouth to protest, but then shrugged and put a fake Sherlock Holmes pipe in her mouth and blew on it. Bubbles came out. "I am pretty rich."

"And very British."

"Yes, that too."

"British people with posh British accents are rich, and British people with cockney British accents aren't rich."

"Riiiiiight," Dewey rolled her eyes. Then giggled some more.

"Merlins bawlin ballz, Dewey, you are such a light weight," Doon swung his club at empty air and stumbled forward.

"Not am I!" She frowned, "I mean...I not am! No, that's not quite right either...Whatever, i's my firstest time bein' drunk anyway so...shu'up!"

She flopped backwards and announced in a high-pitched and matter-o-fact voice, "Wine make me tipsy and beer makes me drunk!"

"You've never had wine!"

"I know," She said, "But my dad has and it makes _him_ tipsy so it must make me tipsy too."

"Your dad drinks wine?"

"I think I'm gonna puke," Dewey informed him, before leaning her head off the roof and puking. "That'll be stuck to the side of the house in the morning."

"I _told_ you you shouldn't have taken that medicine!"

Dewey held up her hand and wagged her finger at him, faking a southern accent, "Ah have acid reflux, and Ah thought that mebbe if Ah took mah medicine, Ah wouldn't feel lahke Ah was gonnuh puke."

"I don't think it's good to take any medicines wiff alcohol," Doon told her. "You coulda like...died or somethin'. Maybe. Depends on the med'cine, I think."

"Didja know that I'm the screwy twin?" Dewey said.

_Are all drunks this bad at continuing conversations about one thing,_ She wondered, _Or is it just us?_

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean my parents only wanted one son," She threw her arm over her face to block out the rays of the slowly rising sun. "That's purebloods for ya'. They say they're not prejudice, but they are. They hate me fer bein' a furr elemental."

"They probably do," Doon agreed. "My parents kicked me out an' ev'rything, You should run away tonight!"

"Doon, I hafta be at home to run away."

"Oh. Right."

Doon swung his golf club one last time but ended up tripping and swinging the club...

...right into Dewey's face.

_1976_

_4:00am Sirius POV_

I was laying in be getting my beauty sleep (psht, like I needed it) when I heard the door open and someone enter the dorm room.

The person started digging around in the stuff under my bed, and through my trunk. I slid open my curtains slightly and saw a silhouette shifting stuff around on the floor and, in my half-asleep state, I thought it would be a good idea to fight this person.

I grabbed him person around the waist and pulled him onto my bed, trying to pin him down beneath me, and then I'll wake one of the others to go get Dumbledore.

The thief and I wrestled for a minute more before I heard his head hit the headboard and I was pinned by him, "Ow! James, it's me!"

Wait, that wasn't a dude, that was Dewey!

"_Dewey?"_

"Who did you think it was, Voldemort?" She snorted, "Seriously, James..."

"Sirius," I told her. "Now get the hell off of me."

I felt her shift over so she was on the edge of the bed.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed.

"It's a secret." I rolled my eyes at her. She yelped when I grabbed her around the waist and we wrestled again before I pinned her.

"What are you doing here?" I reiterated. Dewey squirmed underneath me but I didn't let up. I really was curious, but mostly I just wanted to annoy her for waking me up so early. "Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"_Yes."_

"_No!"_

"Fine then," I fell completely on top of her, "I guess I'll just go back to sleep then."

"Sirius," Dewey tried to shove me off. "You're - crushing – me. Can't – breath."

"If you can talk then you can breath," I reminded her. Finally, she agreed to tell me.

She put her arms behind her head and I sat up, straddling her stomach.

"I was looking for..." She pulled the map, which had been under my pillow, "This!"

Dewey tried to jump out from underneath me, but ended up letting the map fly somewhere outside of the hangings and hitting her head on the headboard again.

"How did you know about the map?" I'd kill James if he told her, we agreed that it would be our only all-marauder secret, because Dewey knew that rest.

"So it's a map!" Damn it, I just gave away the secret. She kept trying to flip us over. Eventually, she spat on my face, to try and distract me.

"Oh, Merlin, Dewey!" I wiped my cheek. "You have, like, acid spit!"

In my moment of weakness, she managed to flip us over again. I tried to shove her off of me, but she wouldn't budge.

"Sirius what're you-" Remus opened the bed hangings and then blushed furiously. "Oh, er, sorry."

"What?" I looked towards Dewey, before realizing what this might look like.

Dewey was straddling my waist, her hair messed up and during our struggling a few of the buttons on her shirt had come undone. She was in her uniform, and while I had tried to push her off I had put my hand on her upper thigh causing her skirt to rode up, and my hand was still there. And the fact that I was only in boxers didn't help.

Dewey shoved her fist in her mouth to stop her giggles and I drew back my hands like they'd been burned. Which they sort of had been, because Dewey was a fire elemental so she was always hot. In two ways.

Wait.

Wait, no. That was just...no. Just- just, scratch that.

"Well, that was awkward," Dewey giggled, patting my lower stomach and causing the muscles to tighten there. She raised an eyebrow. "Ickle Sirius came out to play?"

"No!" My face flushed darker red. "I just have my...wand in my pocket."

"So, you keep your wand in the pocket of your boxers while you sleep?"

"Yes," I nodded, "Yes I do, in fact I- will you just get off of me? You're making me uncomfortable."

"I dunno if 'uncomfortable' is the right word for what you're feeling right," Dewey grinned attractively. I mean. Mischievously. In an unattractive way. "But I suppose I'll be going now."

It took me a half an hour to realize that she had taken the map.

Damn that girl.

_Lunch time Dewey's POV_

Sirius had managed to avoid me all day, even with out his map. The map that I couldn't get to work, Merlin dammit!

I was in an empty classroom somewhere on the fourth floor when a girl and a guy walked in the room.

"Dewey Potter!" The girl yelled when she saw me. "Why, I haven't seen you in ages."

She had extremely long curly blonde hair, long legs, and misty blue eyes. She had a Hufflepuff tie and the uniformed shirt and skirt on, but white, knee-high converse that she had written on all over the fabric. Her hair was pulled into a side ponytail, and it reached her waist. On the top of her head sat a black beret.

"Do I know you?" I didn't recognize either of them.

She grinned and said, "Well, last time you saw me I was an average looking brunette but that was just an experiment. It's me, Pippin!"

"Pippin Harrison?" Last time I saw her, she was average height, medium length brown hair, and brown eyed. Oh, the confusion! "What were you experimenting?"

"I wanted to see if more people than him" she jabbed a thumb at her companion, "would talk to me like that," She shrugged, "So I walked around like that for a week. Using a spell I created, I might add!"

"Did more people talk to you?"

"Yep, but this," She ran a hand over her side, "Is much more fun."

"Well, Sirius talks to you," I pointed out, "So it's already more than him."

"Sirius doesn't talk to me around other people," Pippin said with a shrug. "He's popular."

"Well that's rude." What a dick! Seriously, Sirius? I looked at her friend and noticed his Slytherin tie.

"I'm Raymond Zabini," He introduced himself, "But call me Ray."

"I'm Dewey, call me Dewey," I told him, "So, you're a nice Slytherin?"

"Yeah," He gave me a small smile. "Also a gay Slytherin."

"Respect," I nodded. "Well, I'll talk to you guys in public. Just to see the reactions."

"Cool," Pippin said, "The outgoing Hufflepuff, the screwy Gryffindor, and the gay Slytherin. Talking. In public. I'm excited to see the look on your houses faces."

"Well then, let's go to lunch," I suggested. At least I won't have to sit with Sirius today, that would be awkward. I shoved The Marauders 'map' (AKA ratty piece of parchment) into my pocket.

"What table should we sit at?" Ray wondered aloud. "Not Slytherin."

"Definitely," I agreed, "I vote Hufflepuff."

"Hufflepuff will be nice to you guys, but Gryffindor will be funnier," Pippin pointed out.

"True."

When we arrived in the Great Hall, we sat at the Gryffindor table, away from James and his friends. Though The Marauders were always nice, the other guys gave me weird looks whenever I talked, like they thought I shouldn't have an opinion on whatever they talked about. And the girls would giggle at me and whisper, while looking at me, making it quite obvious that they were talking about me.

Everyone in the surrounding area stared at us, and I couldn't help but start to giggle. Soon after, Ray started to chuckle, and Pippin buried her face in her arms, putting her head on the table.

Our quite giggles turned into loud ones, and our loud giggles turned into hysterical laughter. Ray was borderline crying, and Pippin was practically banging her head on the table.

I fell sideways off the bench and ended up rolling under the table. Everyone around us stared even harder, making us laugh even harder, and we finally stopped, and I came out from under the table, and we stared at each other, and started laughing again.

Yup. This is the life.

**a/n- this was supposed to be out on Christmas, but my super-huge Irish/American family came and never really left. So...HAPPY 2010!**

**Lulz, Dewey's first experience with alcohol, based on mine...no, I didn't get hit in the face with a golf club. Yes, it came out my nose. Thank Merlin I was only with one other person, not at a party...**


	6. You Have To Be Home To Run Away

**Oh...oh wow...its been like a month and a half...damn, that was fast...*whistles innocently* cmon! New LOST season started, so I had to write a lost fic! It was so necessary!**

**...yeah**

**Hopefully this makes up for it**

**Screwy Dewey**

_1973_

"Talking's just a waste of breath,

And Livings just a waste of death."

-Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows), Fall Out Boy

James Potter and his three best friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, sat in the living room watching a film on that strange muggle box with the moving pictures. Peter had brought his aunts 'television' thingy over for them to entertain themselves with.

Charlus Potter was drinking his coffee and reading the Daily Prophet in the kitchen, before he was supposed to leave for work in a half an hour, at 8:30 a.m.

Dorea Potter walked in, wearing an apron and carrying a tray of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls, "Are you boys hungry for breakfast?"

And then the final member of the family, Dewey Potter, came stumbling through the floo covered in blood.

Dorea dropped the tray in surprise and shrieked loudly, causing her husband to come running in with his wand.

Dewey had entered the room being held around the waist by a taller man, who was screaming, "EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!" at random intervals.

In simpler terms, Doon was the freaking out kid, Dewey was the bleeding half-unconscious girl, Charlus was the paranoid one, Dorea was the shrieking one, and the marauders were just really confused.

"_What_ is going on?" Mr. Potter shouted over all of the noise.

Doon finally unwrapped his arm around Dewey's waist, and put one of her arms around his shoulder to support her. Sirius quickly jumped up to help him and they led Dewey to the couch.

"It was an accident!" Doon looked terrified while talking to Dewey's dad. "We were just goofing off and then...with the..."

"Who are you?" Mrs Potter yelled at Doon, which was when he suddenly realized that Dewey was supposed to have been at some made-up girls house.

"Uhhh, I'm Gary...uh, Janes!" He lied, "Dewey's friends brother."

Mrs Potter narrowed her eyes, "Dewey was staying at Larissa _Jones _house for the summer. You said Janes."

"Did I?" Doon laughed nervously, "I meant to say Jones! Really! JONES! I think I said Jones, actually! You heard me say Jones, right?"

"I don't think you did!" James narrowed his eyes when Sirius finally interrupted.

"PEOPLE!" He screamed, "Your sister/friend/daughter is _bleeding _on the _bloody couch! _Can we discuss the Jones family _later?"_

Charlus Potter uttered a few different spells under his breath, waving his wand around, and the blood stopped flowing from her mouth, and the dried blood vanished. Her teeth were still missing.

"Darling," Mr. Potter asked his wife calmly, "What's the spell to make teeth grow?"

"It's densaugeo, dearie."

"You shouldn't grow them back," James said, "As punishment."

"You must be the mamas boy then," Doon said to James, "I'd say it's nice to meet you, James, but I that would be a lie."

"Mum," James whined, "She tells _other_ people I'm a mamas boy!"

Remus hit him upside the head, "Your sister has just been seriously injured and all you care about is that she calls you a mamas boy?"

"Which you are," Doon added.

"You've met her once, Remus," James said, "You don't know what she can be like. If you did, you'd be happy she was unconscious too. It's a shame her friends, I mean, _friend_, doesn't feel the same way."

"Ennervate," Doon pointed his wand at Dewey to wake her up.

"Doon?" She blinked several times, "Where are we- _you brought me to my parents house?"_

"Uhhhh...possibly?"

"I'm gonna kill you, you asshole." They stared at each other for almost a minute before Dewey launched her self off of the couch and tackled him, only to find that she was incredibly dizzy. Sirius caught her as she fell backwards again and he set her back on the couch.

"Thanks," She said softly smiled at him and Sirius turned red.

The Potters were all yelling at Doon, because Dewey had, in fact, revealed his true identity, but Peter and Remus were staring at Dewey and Sirius.

"Oh, uh, no problay-mo," Sirius could have smacked himself. _'No problay-mo?'_ That's something _James_ would've said and not even that nerdy Evans chick would go out with _him!_

The young Sirius/Dewey moment was interrupted by Mrs. Potter and her shrieking. Again.

"I can't _believe_ you would go off to some...to some _boys _house!" She whirled on Dewey, "You've only known him for a few years! He could have tried to take advantage of you! I don't even _know _him! And I thought I knew you! I thought I knew that you knew to know better than to even _know_ someone like him!""

Surprisingly, Dewey understood exactly what her mother was saying, "You're right, mother! _You_ don't know him! And _you_ don't know me! So why are you making such terrible accusations about him? And about me? _Merlin, _you are such a bitch."

Mrs. Potter (and, well, everyone else stared at Dewey) in outrage and surprise.

"Dewey Andromeda Potter, you go to your room right now!" Charlus shouted so loud that she was tempted to cover her ears.

Dewey stomped up the stairs and slammed several doors on the way up.

There was an awkward silence in which the Potters glared at Doon.

There was a loud explosion upstairs and then Dewey came back down stairs holding the few things she had left behind in her room. She smiled calmly at all of the people in the room before throwing her stuff in the fireplace and flooing it somewhere.

"I don't have to deal with you people anymore," She told her parents while shaking her head in a disappointed manner at her family. "You're just so...so _obnoxious_ all of the _Godric damned time,_ and you don't even care if you're rude. And you say you approve of muggle borns and elementals but you _don't _approve of them at all and you're just...you're just plain _mean_ and I'm leaving."

"Fine!" James shouted at her, "We don't want you here anyway!"

"James, that's your bloody twin!" Remus shouted at him, "Don't say things like that!"

"It's alright, Remus," Dewey said, glaring at her brother, "We were never close anyway."

She flooed herself to the house she and Doon had broken into so they could use the fireplace and disappeared.

Doon picked up a handful of floo powder and cleared his throat awkwardly, "Well, uh, it was nice meeting you guys."

_1976_

_Care of Magical Creatures_

"Today, class," Professor Rivers said with a huge fake grin, "We're learning about _hippogriffs!"_

"Professor," Ray, her Slytherin friend, spoke up, "We learned about Hippogriffs in third year."

"Correct, Mr. Zabini!" Rivers said, "But our groundskeeper, Mr. Hagrid, has been able to get us _real __hippogriffs_ to learn with! _Oh, joy."_ The professor said sarcastically.

Professor Rivers was the type of person whose personality screamed_ 'I'm only here because I'm getting paid'_.

The huge groundskeeper came out, leading one huge bird/horse thing out behind him. Beside her, Ray let out a low whistle.

"Now, who wants to go first?" Rivers asked and almost everybody jumped backwards, including all of the Marauders and Ray.

"Ah, Ms. Potter," Rivers said, Dewey being the only one who hadn't reacted fast enough. He pulled her forward and stood her in front of the hippogriff, "Now bow, and don't break eye contact. Don't blink. This one's named Witherwings."

Dewey stared hard at the huge creature in front of her. _Don't blink don't blink don't blink._

The hippogriff finally bowed to her, which was when the professor told her she could pet it gently.

"Okay, I think it likes you enough to let you ride it," The professor told her, and he had Hagrid lift her up onto the back of the huge bird.

"I don't think this is the best idea..." She hesitated.

"Yeh'll be fine," Hagrid reassured her, "Jus' don' grab at 'is feathers."

Dewey wasn't quite sure what else there was to grab, but Witherwings took off and she wrapped her arms around his long neck.

The huge creature flew fast over the forest, and eventually over Hogsmeade, before it swerved back towards the school, taking a nose dive towards the lake.

"Oh my Godric!" Dewey laughed, letting go of his neck to flap her arms around, "This is totally _awesome!"_

When she finally landed, she was grinning like and idiot an was absolutely positive her hair looked like a bush, but it had been so worth it.

"Dude, can I go again?" She asked the professor, who said 'no' flat out and let the other students try to meet the hippogriff.

Dewey noticed a tiny little baby hippogriff in the corner that Pippin was playing with. It was so cute! She went to go meet it, too, but Witherwings suddenly freaked out and charged towards Pippin.

Professor Rivers tried to stop it, but just ended up getting slashed across the chest by the animal.

Hagrid was able to subdue it by getting the little hippogriff to go to Witherwings.

"Tha's Buckbeak," He told the, "Witherwings is very protective o' his son."

After putting the hippogriffs in the stable he carried Professor Rivers to the castle and the students all stood there, as they were told to stay until a professor was sent for them.

"Godric, Dewey, what if that had been you!" James fretted, "You could have _died! _You could been hurt! You could be bleeding! On the ground! _Bleeding on the bloody ground!_"

"But she's not," Sirius said, "She's perfectly fine. Aren't you perfectly fine, _Dewey_?"

"Yes, _Sirius_, I really am," She narrowed her eyes at him, "But thanks so much, I know you're concern."

"Oh, Godric," James frowned, "Where did all this awkward come from? It wasn't here before."

"It's not awkward," Ray said, "It's sexual tension."

James pretended to gag loudly, "Mate! That is my sister and my best friend...which is just completely wrong. I'm pretty sure that's, like, illegal or something. Of course a Slytherin would say that."

"Honestly, Potter," Lily Evans spoke up, "Why are you so biased against Slytherins? They aren't all Death Eaters, you know!"

"Why are you so unbiased against them? Especially Snivellus?"

"Severus is not _nearly _as bad as you are, Potter," She spat angrily, "Besides, Sirius and your sister deserved each other."

Behind her, her friends giggled obnoxiously. James stared at her, "What in Azkaban supposed to mean, Evans?"

"I mean that she's a Potter and he's a Potter's best friend," She sneered, "Two people who like you just deserve to be together and not with anyone better."

James stared at her in a confused manner before turning angry, "Wow, Evans. Sirius always tried to tell me you were a bitch but I never believed him until now. You don't know anything about Sirius! And I don't appreciate you bagging on my sister, either!"

Lily blinked, remembering that Dewey had said those exact words to her (except about Sirius and James, not she and Sirius) on her first night here. "I don't have to know them, Potter, because I know you! And Dewey is obviously just like you are, so she must be as bad as you!"

"Evans, Dewey and I might be extremely close, but we are _nothing _alike! And you wouldn't know that because you don't know me and I don't know you," He stared disappointedly at her, "But I guess I don't. I don't even know why I would want to go out with you in the first place."

He grabbed Dewey's arm and stormed away, the rest of their friends following.

Evans called out after them, "You're not allowed to leave class yet!" but they ignored her.

Raymond Zabini whistled lowly. "Man, I thought that was gonna be a fight between Sirius and Dewey. Not, like, you and Potter."

"Shut up."

**DAYUM Lily's a bitch! But only around James, she's actually pretty nice.**

**And, sometime soon, Professor Kettleburn will be entering.**

**Who do you think that will be, hmmmmm?**


	7. Girl Talk And Missing My Sister

**Woot new chapter XD XD XD. So, James Potter was turning 14 in 74, but he's turning 15 in my world. Because I messed up the ages. Oops.**

**About last chapter, you can't tell me you didn't think Lily Evans was a bit of a bitch after that scene in OotP? She isn't to everyone, but now that it's seventh year James is pushing her buttons (not her 'annoyed' buttons, those _other _buttons) without trying. So she's stressed, from being Head Girl, and confused, for liking James, and upset, because a few of her friends don't act like friends at all.**

**So Read!**

**Disclaimer: None of it's mine. I mean, NONE. Zero. Actually, that's a lie. Dewey, Doon, AIE, the elemental thing, the plotline...mine.**

**Screwy Dewey Chapter 7**

_Sibling Rivalries_

_He's My Bloody Twin_

_1974 March 27 (American Institution for Elementals)_

Dewey Potter was one of those extremely lucky people who had friends that would do almost anything.

Because Doon, Dewey's best friend, is one of the most daring, talented and carefree people ever to exist, he was able to sneak nine cool people off of the AIE campus and flirt with the bartender enough to serve all the under age kids drinks, Dewey was at an awesome birthday party. For her. Just her.

Dewey, along with Doon, Doon's other friends, and Doon's friends friends entered The Time Turner, grungy place that used it's name as an excuse for the lack of electricity and the moldy wood floors. Doon chatted up the owner's daughter and was able to rent the place for a night and suddenly they were swept away and were sitting in a musty with their wine glasses clinking and they were laughing plushly.

The young Potter broke out in a smile as her friends toasted her fifteenth birthday and poured her some sort of fancy muggle champagne called Normandy.

Dewey felt great. It was her fifteenth birthday and she was laughing and smiling and drinking as though she didn't even have a brother who was also turning fifteen. Doon had worshiped her for about a week and she had stolen herself a cake as a running away party. Dewey had been so happy, so _smug _that she had won their eternal sibling rivalry. She had laughed every time she thought about it for the rest of summer.

Then...school started again, and no one sent her howlers that screamed about her lack of friends to embarrass her. Halloween came and passed, no one . Christmas happened, and no one screamed at her so loud that the neighbors called the police. On Boxing Day, no one pushed her into the snow even though they new she got sick so easily. On New Years Eve, no one poured wine on the new white dress her mother got her every year and told Mrs. Potter that Dewey had been drinking. It was a wonderful holiday break.

And now it was their- no, _her_ birthday, and she wasn't even able to send him a mean letter about how he had to have a fancy dinner with their parents, and she got to party with Doon.

"Dewey, baby!" Jeremy Flitt, a dark-haired, green eyed earth elemental who everyone loved more than they loved their families, but Dewey found him extremely obnoxious. "Happy birthday, sweetcheeks! Fifteen! Now we're only two years apart!"

"Born first, die first," She said, viciously glaring at the older boy.

"Now, it's time for the main event," Doon interrupted with a grin, "Drinking! Come on, Jeremy." Doon grabbed the boys arm before he could protest. Not that he would have, as he was quite the drinker, and Doon had become quite unstoppable at taking shots since Dewey moved in permanently and he realized that she wanted to drink away her sorrows about home, so he had chivalrously helped her out.

Dewey was extremely relieved that Doon had sacrificed his soberness (man, could that boy drink) just so Dewey could escape for a little.

"You miss that brother of yours, don't you?" Some kid with glasses said knowingly, and Dewey stared at him then shook her head no several times. "Dude, it's totally normal if you do, really, it-"

"Just drop it, kid," Dewey snapped, and then immediately cursed the entire generation of water elementals like that kid. They were so damn observant.

She sat drinking some beer slowly for a few hours before Doon and Jeremy returned, the former looking slightly apologetic. "Dewey!" Jeremy smooth talked, "Won't _you_ drink with me?" It was obvious he couldn't wait to get her alone and rape her or something.

"My stomach hurts," She said with a sneer. Jeremy sat down with a roll of the eyes.

"So I heard about how you went wacko summer," Jeremy said drunkly, leaning over the table close to her. "Did you really set your room on fire before you left? And just left the whole house to burn down? You're lucky you got outta there before your brother, I heard he's a douche, like, beat you up or something."

Dewey gripped the edge of the table so hard it started to smell like smoke. It was true, James was a douche but only Dewey could call him that, and it's not like he was an actual douche, he just was to her because she's a bitch to him and they both are mean to each other on purpose.

"Your brother is a total dickhead," Jeremy was about to continue, but Dewey stood up quickly and flipped the table over with her hands, spilling the drinks everywhere.

"You don't know a thing in hell, Jeremy!" Dewey roared. The entire restaurant quieted immediately and turned to stare at the raging young woman. "James is much less...less of a _douche bag _then you are! And he's more handsome, and more charming, and gets way more girls than you'll _ever get_! So just _shut your bloody mouth!"_

"Dewey Andromeda Potter!" Doon sounded shocked and proud, "You rock my polka-dotted socks."

But Dewey had stormed out of the restaurant and was now stomping down an alley with fire in her hands, wishing _she _had been the normal one, and _she_ had stayed home. Everything would be so much easier if her parents cared.

Dewey suddenly realized that sibling rivalries were never supposed to end, and she had messed that up for both of them by winning.

_She's My Bloody Twin_

_1974 March 27 (The Chateau, a fancy wizarding restaurant)_

James Potter was one of those extremely lucky people who a family that could afford almost anything.

Because Charlus, James' father, had been pumping money into the Hogwarts budget since 1964, he had been able to take his only son, James, and his other 'Marauders' out to dinner at that new fancy robes-and-tie restaurant in Diagon Alley, at a birthday party. For him. Just him.

James, along with his parents, his friends, and his parents' friends entered The Chateau and handed their outer dress robes to the man who worked in the robes room. Mr. Potter handed the concierge a few galleons and suddenly they were swept away and were sitting at a round table with their wine glasses clinking and they were laughing plushly.

The young Potter forced a smile as his mother toasted his fifteenth birthday and poured him some of muggles finest champagne, Normandy.

James felt sick. It was his fifteenth birthday and his parents were laughing and smiling and schmoozing as though they didn't even have a daughter who was also turning fifteen. His mother had cried for about a week and his father had been silent. James had been so happy, so _smug _that he had won their eternal sibling rivalry. He had gloated for the rest of summer.

Then...school started again, and no one sent him goofy letters that sprayed silly string into his face. Halloween came and passed, no one sent him a letter saying they had chosen to dress as him for Halloween, because his face was so scary. Christmas happened, and no one ran into his room and poured hot water on him at four in the morning so they could open presents. On Boxing Day, no one confused him into going to town and not telling him all the stores were closed for the holidays. On New Years Eve, no one teased him for hours about how Lily Evans wasn't there to give him a New Years kiss, and probably never. It was a terrible holiday break.

And now it was his- no, _their_ birthday, and he wasn't even able to send her a mean letter about how their parents had taken the time to pull him out of school to celebrate, but they had just sent her a formal letter that looked like it had been sent by your boss, not your parents.

"James, darling!" Christine Bones, a blonde-haired, blue eyed pureblood who his parents loved more than they loved his sister, but he found extremely annoying. "Happy birthday! Fifteen! OhmiGodric, now we're the same age!"

"Ha, uh, yeah," He said, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"Now, it's time for the main event," Sirius said with a grin, "Dancing! Come on, Christine." Sirius grabbed the girls hand before she could protest. Not that she would have, as he was quite handsome, and Sirius had become quite good at smooth talking since Dewey left and he realized it would've been wrong to date his best mates sister anyway

James was extremely relieved that Sirius had sacrificed his eardrums (man, could that girl chatter) just so James could sit still for a little.

"You miss Dewey, don't you?" Remus said knowingly, and James shook his head no several times. "It's all right if you do, really, it-"

"Just drop it, Remus," James snapped, and then immediately apologized after seeing his hurt look.

He sat munching on snacks for a few minutes before Sirius and Christine returned, the former looking slightly apologetic. "James!" Christine whined, "Won't _you_ dance with me?" It was obvious she couldn't wait to get him alone and throw herself at him.

"My feet hurt," He said stiffly with a polite smile. Christine sat down with a huff.

"So I heard about what your wacko sister did last summer," Christine said casually, examining her nails. "Did she really set her room on fire before she left? And just left the whole house to burn down? You're lucky your dad knew how to put out the fire."

James gripped the edge of the table so hard his knuckles turned white. It was true, Dewey had lit her room on fire before she left, and it had caused quite a bit of damage, but she had confined the fire on purpose

"Your sister never was quite right in the head," Christine was about to continue, but James stood so fast he knocked his chair over.

"You don't know a thing in Azkaban, Christine!" James roared. The entire restaurant quieted gradually and turned to stare at the raging young man. "Dewey is much more...more capable then you are! And she's prettier, and nicer, and more fun than you'll _ever _be! So just _shut your bloody mouth!"_

"James Alphard Potter!" Dorea sounded shocked, "You apologize right now!"

But James had stormed out of the restaurant and was now sitting on the curb with his face in his hands, wishing _he _had been the fire elemental, and _he_ had run away. Everything would be so much easier if his parents didn't care.

James suddenly realized that sibling rivalries were never supposed to end, and he had messed that up for both of them by winning.

_1976 (Hogwarts)_

_Girl Talk_

Dewey Potter was in her dormitory, hiding from her insane brother. Apparently, _almost_ getting stampeded by a hippogriff was a good reason for him to fret over her, even though she really wasn't hurt at all.

Well, this is boring. She could get Doon and...wait, no she couldn't. She could find Sirius and...no, that would be awkward. Finally she got up and picked up one of her records and put it on Evans' record player. She took The Beatles Magical Mystery Tour and flipped it to the B-Side to cure her boredom.

_You say yes, I say no, you say stop, and I say go, go, go..._

Oh, that's a good song. She thought for a moment, before remembering the record by The Plateau that could be played backwards to sing a completely different song. That was a good song. She picked out another one of Evans' records and played.

_Make your own kind of music, sing your own special song, make your own kind of music, even if nobody else sings along..._

Dewey grinned, a few memories including The Mamas And The Papas other songs. She put on another Mama Cass record.

_Sing for your supper, and you'll get dinner..._

Mhmm, she liked this song, it was kind of weird, but not like druggie weird. She reached for a Harry Nilsson album but was cut off.

"Potter, if you're going to play my records can you at least listen to the who song before changing it?" A voice from behind the bed's curtains asked her, "I hate when people constantly the song."

"Evans?" Dewey peeked behind the curtain and saw the petite red head laying face down on her bed. "Did you even go to any classes today?"

"No," Lily's voice was muffled by her pillow. "I'm moping. Shouldn't you be in class?"

"No, I don't have any classes this week," Dewey shrugged, sitting by the other girls feet.

"This week?"

"Yeah, I only take four, but I skip History and Care of Magical Creatures was temporarily canceled 'cause the professor got trampled. You remember, you were there, you told my brother that me and Sirius deserved each other because you think we're both whores. Well, you think he's a man whore. But it's technically the same thing."

Lily let out a strangled cry and pushed her face farther into her pillow, "You hate me!" She cried.

Dewey laughed awkwardly, "Pshhht! What? No! No, I don't."

Lily sat up and rubbed her puffy eyes, "Yes you do."

"What makes you think that?"

Lily reached onto her nightstand and picked up a piece of parchment that read, "_I don't like you. Love, Dewey"_

"Well, I was feeling...upset at the time," Dewey shrugged, "You said that I liked Sirius. Which is gross. Besides, that doesn't say I hate you, just that I don't like you. There is a difference."

"But you _do _like Black," She finally sat up and rubbed her red eyes, she had obviously been crying. "I can tell."

"Riiiight," Dewey blinked. "Well, I'm gonna go now..."

Dewey booked it out of there, having realized they were about to talk about emotions. Ew.

"Dewey, I got you an ice-pack for the wound that could have been!" James shouted, walking towards her. Dewey gulped and glanced between James and the dorms.

Ice packs...emotions...ice packs...emotions...

"Emotions!" Dewey shouted spasmodically, her arms flailing behind her as she ran up the stairs to the girls dorms, where she found Lily bawling harder than ever. "Er, Evans! I'm back! And I've brought tissues." Dewey grabbed a box of tissues off of the table next to her.

"O-o-oh," Lily sniffled, "I-i th-thought you left 'cause you, y-you _hated _me! Just like T-Tuney _hates _me! And Potter _hates _m-me! Because I'm, I'm a, a-a _mean p-person! A t-terrible, bad personality! _And ev-everyone _h-hates me!"_

"Uhh..." Dewey hesitantly reached out an arm to pat Lily awkwardly on the head before withdrawing her hand quickly, "No one hates you. James is just super protective of me. And I mean, I don't really like you, but that's normal!"

"B-but why is it normal?" Lily sobbed.

"Because!" Dewey shrugged as she slowly inched away from Lily and sat at the end of the bed. "You're a straight-edge prep, I'm a dorky rebel."

Lily frowned, "You're not a dork. And what do you mean, I'm a 'straight-edge prep'?"

"You wear pink, I wear black. You date quidditch players, I date...well, I just don't date. You ride in a car, I ride a skateboard. Your parents love you, my parents hate me. You're a virgin, I'm not. You've never had a beer, I've been drunk driving without a drivers license. You do community service, and I've been arrested four times."

Lily sniffed lightly, her tears not coming down as heavy as before. There was a slight pause before she smiled nervously, "What were arrested for?"

Dewey snorted, becoming more comfortable now that Lily's tears had almost completely disappeared, and the girl was wiping her face with the tissues. Dewey stretched her arms and laid down, so her feet were by Lily's head (for Dewey was tall) and Lily's feet by her shoulders (for Lily was not tall). Dewey spoke, "First time it was arson, me and my buddy were really cold during this field trip so we lit a trash can and huddled around it with some hobos. Second time for arson, I lit some kids bike on fire. Third time, it was arson. But that one was sort of stupid, because I lit a phoenix on fire that time and it would've happened in a few years anyway so I dunno what the big deal was. They got a baby phoenix, which is so much more adorable anyway. And the fourth time it was-"

"Arson?" Lily said dryly.

"Sort of," Dewey grinned, "I blew up all the mattresses in the girls dorms, but they filed it as arson instead if terrorism because I was underage."

Lily grinned back slightly and stood up, "I'm going to go clean up for dinner. I think I hear the other girls coming up the stairs. So, are we...friends?"

Dewey made a face, "Uh, friendly acquaintances?"

Lily looked slightly relieved, "Yeah. I mean, you hang around with Potter and Harrison, so it would be..."

"Weird?" Dewey supplied, "And you're friends with those two girls in that bitch fight, and my two friends were commentating it, so... We'll be acquaintances with an awesome secret handshake we do whenever people we just fooled in to thinking we hate each other leave the room?" Dewey smiled goofily.

Lily giggled girlishly, "Alright."

"Okay, how about," Dewey held her hand, "Sideways high five forwards, then sideways high five backwards, then pound it, explode, and shake off the heat."

"Got it," Lily and Dewey performed the secret handshake and grinned, before standing up again.

Lily smiled conservatively and headed towards the bathroom. Not two seconds after Lily entered the bathroom, the door had burst open, slamming loudly against the wall.

"ICE PACK!" James shouted, "Sirius, sic 'er, boy!"

"Do I have to?" Sirius whined.

"Yes!" James whacked him upside the head, "You're the bloody dog! Now go, you've already lost the element of surprise for us!"

Sirius sighed heavily before charging at Dewey and tackling her to the floor. Over his shoulder he yelled, "pinned her!" to James. James kneeled by Dewey's head and pushed the ice pack onto the side of her face.

"Ow! James, what the hell is wrong with you?" Dewey tried to punch him.

"I'm trying to ease your pain that could have been!"

"Bloody hell, James! I'm a bloody fire elemental! Ice hurts me!" James withdrew his quickly and grabbed her arms.

"Sirius, you take her legs, we can throw her in the fire!" He shouted. Sirius dropped Dewey immediately, frowning slightly.

"Um, that might seriously harm...you know what?" He grabbed her legs again, "Let's do it."

Lily suddenly walked out of the bathroom. She sneered, "Honestly, Potter. She's _your _sister. You should know ice hurts her and fire can still light her clothes on fire, idiots." James made a strained face before storming out, Sirius right behind him.

Dewey turned to Lily and grinned, _"Yeah, son! _You can _act,_ girlie!"

Lily held out her hand like she was about to shake hands with someone. Dewey slapped her hands, pounded it, and shook off the burn. "Yeah, that was bloody awesome."

**A/N- So, this is the beginning if the road to Dewey and Lily's friendship. Dewey doesn't really care if anyone is mean to her, but Lily feels bad about it.**

**I STARTED A FORUM it's called Marauding Through The Ages, and it's a role-playing forum where the third gen ended up in 1977 with 17 year old Marauders, and I just opened it today so I need a lot of people. So, look it up and join please *grins goofily***


	8. When Dewey Met Doon

**Hi folks. This is a little late but not too much late. Wow bad grammer. Haha, I spelled grammar wrong.**

**CHAPTER 8**

_When Dewey Met Doon_

_1974 (summer break in America)_

Dewey Potter stood in front of a full length mirror, head tilted to the side. The flowing, flower patterned skirt honestly looked horrible on her. Maybe she should stick with her acid wash jeans, they were super cool any ways. She changed quickly and left the room.

"Doon!" Dewey jumped on the bicycle that she had taken from some suburbia houses lawn and rode in down the stairs on it.

_Thump thump thump chatter thump_

"Ow!" Dewey held a hand to her lip that she had bit so hard it began to bleed. "Damn stairs."

Hopping back on the bike she pedaled into the kitchen, where Doon was. Now, usually he would be eating cereal, reading the paper, balancing potatoes on his forehead, or something like that. But now he was sitting, staring at his hands, and...frowning. Creepy.

"Sup, Sand Doon?" Dewey asked suspiciously, "What's up with the frowny face? You get arrested again?"

"No."

"Light your girlfriend's hair on fire again?"

"No."

"Oh, so she broke up with you then?"

"No, geez, I don't even have a girlfriend!" Doon half-shouted guiltily.

"But what about that chick you told me about, Larissa Jones?" Dewey frowned, "Didn't you say she lived in the 'burbs or something?"

"I made Larissa up," Doon admitted, "Well, _you_ made Larissa up the first time you stayed here, before you ran away. You told your parents you were spending the last weeks of summer break at Larissa Jones house. Then they found out and you moved here."

"Oh, yeah," Dewey laughed, sat down, and threw her feet onto the rickety table. The table fell out beneath her feet, crashing onto to the floor, "Oops. So is that all you wanted to tell me?"

"No," Doon frowned. "All that time I was with 'Larissa' I was...y'know...working off my criminal record."

Dewey raised her eyebrows and took her feet off the broken table and crossed them on her lap, "Why? I'm super proud of my record of arson. Aren't you?"

"Well, you've been arrested more than me, I was only arrested that one time," Doon shifted awkwardly, "So I did a bunch of community service, so I could get this job..."

"A _job?"_ Dewey looked scandalized. "But you'll still hang out with me, right?"

"The job's in Romania."

"_Romania?"_

"Well, it's a great job!" Doon said with a charming grin, "Oh, Mornin' Dew, I've been on the list for Romania since I was thirteen, that's, like, before I even met you! I just never thought I would get the job. But apparently, fire elementals make the best dragon trainers. I can recommend you after you graduate, though. We can be work buddies!"

"Yeah, in three years, douche bag!" Doon sighed and ran a hand over his face. Somewhere outside, a cab was beeping his horn.

"Look Dewey, I gotta go, I called the cab to take me to the airport," He leaned forward and ruffled her hair, grabbing his suitcase, and heading towards the front door (or what was left of it.)

"I didn't even see your suitcase!" Dewey shouted after him. She was very, very confused at what had just happened. "And we don't even have a floo line, let alone a tellyphone! How did you call the cab anyway?"

Doon gave her one last grin while loading his suitcase into the trunk, "Magic. I'll see you in Romania, babe."

"Seeya, Sand Doon," Dewey waved as the cab drove away...

She thought back to when she first met the elusive Doon...

He hadn't been quite as nice back then...

_When Dewey Met Doon For The First Time_

Dewey was eleven years old. Doon was fourteen years old. Dewey liked to light her brothers stuff on fire. Doon liked to light his brother's skin on fire. Dewey got in trouble for blowing up mattresses. Doon got in trouble for blowing up his father's car. Dewey liked to watch the beaters during quidditch matches. Doon liked to smash peoples faces with beaters bats.

See the difference?

_Late August (Dewey's first year)_

Dewey tried to sit by some of her classmates, but when she sat they stood and moved down the table. Her eyes started to sting a little and she sniffed quietly. The muggles in town weren't mean like these kids.

An older boy with a shaggy hair cut, a dirty wife beater, and a singed leather jacket sat down across from her. He smelled like cigarette smoke. "You the new fire kid."

She shrugged, and felt her throat tighten. 'Fire kid' would that be her name forever? "Ye_ah"_ Oh Godric, her voice cracked.

The boy leaned down real close to her face, so his nose wasn't far from hers. When she sniffed again, he let out a loud laugh, that smelled like really rotten smoke (and she would know exactly what rotten smoke smelled like). "You. Will. Never. Make it. Here."

The boy let out another laugh, and walked away.

_December_

Doon was trying to nap in the hall with out being caught by the teachers, but someone was sniffling around the corner. He opened his eyes and crossed them, letting out a tired groan.

"Who the hell is interrupting my nap?" He stood and spun on his heel and found (who else?) but the Potter girl, sniffling away like usual.

"Who the hell is interrupting my self-pity party?" She mocked. Doon (quite literally) growled. "Oooh, I'm so scared!"

"You stole my wallet," He growled.

She shrugged, "You stole my chance of ever making friends who I'm not related to."

"Touche." He shifted uncomfortably, "Shouldn't you be back in Liverpool with your posh family for Christmas, Potter?"

Dewey snorted, "Right, they'd want me around for the most family-oriented holiday of the year. That's like saying my parents got me a birthday present that wasn't a sock, or a coat hanger, or something..."

"Riiight..." Doon nodded slowly.

Dewey coughed and stood, "Well this conversation is headed down Awkward Street...so I'm gonna go now..."

Before she left she patted his chest.

It took him a moment to realize he had out his wallet in his chest pocket today. God damn, she's good.

_February_

Dewey had changed a little, ever since the quidditch team had started stealing her things and hanging them on the hoops during the games. She had to toughen up.

Tough people always crack their necks, right?

Hesitantly, she put a fist to her chin and pushed on it, popping her neck several times.

"Oh, Godric!" She shouted, almost unable to move her neck, "Oh man, that hurts like Azkaban..."

"Tried to crack your neck, Potter?" Damn that Doon kid. He. Was. Everywhere. "Smooth."

"Shut up Doony-boy," She smirked and tossed him something, "Here's your wallet. Again."

Doon caught it and yelled, "Dammit, Potter, that's the sixth time this month!"

_March_

"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me," Dewey lit the candle of her own birthday cake. About three months ago, she would've been crying, and she would've been short. But, as a mature twelve year old, she was 5'6" (take that, James!) and she had a cake, so she was actually happy.

And that cake was damn good.

"Potter, where the hell is my wallet?" Doonykins the bully surprised her from behind. "Oooh, cake." She smacked his hand away when he tried to grab some.

"Not now, O-Doonly-One, this is my birthday and I shall eat my cake. So leave," Dewey fished in her pocket for a second and pulled out his wallet, "You really need to be more careful, man, someone might actually take your money one day."

"You take my money all the time," He pointed out.

Dewey rolled her eyes, "Yeah but I give it to charity."

"What? No you don't! You bought a model airplane, then you gave me my wallet and said 'thanks for the model airplane'"

"Oh, yeah. Forgot about that."

"Well," Doon took the seat across from her with a smile (an actual one, too, not the one before he was about to punch someone, "You need _someone _to hang out with on your birthday. I'll be the nice guy and hang out with you."

"You do know that it's mostly your fault I have no friends, right?"

"Yup."

_Early July, Last day of school_

Doon was trying to read a book where no one would ever find out. If people found out he read Lord of the Rings, his image would be...totally ruined. Destroyed. Obliterated.

"Doony Doony Doony Doony Doony!" Dewey Potter slammed into his side, knocking him onto the floor. "Happy last day of school! 'Course, I don't wanna go home, and I doubt you wanna go home, I heard you ran away from home last summer, I would run away but I'm here not at home so I can't right now, and I don't know anywhere to go-"

Doon put a hand over her mouth and lifted her off of him, into the air, and then back on the ground. After checking his pockets and finding his wallet still there, he let her go.

"Yeah, I might just find a place to bounce in for a few years, instead of going home," Doon shrugged, "There are a bunch of abandoned places down by this warehouse area thing."

"Hey, I didn't know you read Lord of the Rings!" Dewey held up the book, Return of the King. Damn her pickpocketing skills.

"What?" Doon snatched the small paperback out of her hands, "I do not read Lord of the Rings."

"Really?" Dewey pushed her wire-framed, round glasses farther up her nose. "I read it. I read all of the, bunches of times." She leaned forwards conspiratorially, "My favorite character is Pippin."

"Mine too!" His voice had risen several octaves, and was almost a squeal. "Cough... I don't know who Pippin is..."

"Really, that's too bad, I thought maybe we could hang out sometimes and marvel at his awesomeness," She looked sort of hopeful. "Read a few comics, perhaps."

"You know, you're alright," He ruffled her hair. "We should be evil fire elementals together sometime, kid."

_In The Cab With Doon_

The cab smelled like garlic, marijuana, and just a little but of regret.

Doon looked back out the window of the cab, and saw Dewey jumping up and down and waving goodbye to him. Man, he would miss her.

"S'always hard to leave your girl behind, eh?" The cabbie turned and grinned at him, "She looks a little young, though doesn't she? You a cradle robber?"

Doon chuckled, "She's not my girlfriend, dude."

The cabbie grinned again and said, "De Nile ain't just a river in Egypt, man."

"It's not like that," Doon thought, "She's like...I mean, she's my sister."

They pulled up in front of the airport a while later, and Doon reached into his pocket. A slow smile stretched across his face. "I'm sorry, sir, I seem to have misplaced my wallet."

_1976_

_When Dewey Met Doon (Reprise)_

_Girls Dorms_

"Dewey!" Lily burst unto the dorms, "I fessed! I told! I'm a _bad secret friend!"_

Dewey glanced up from reading Lord of the Rings and stared at Lily, "Who'd you tell?"

"Alice!" Alice Bones stepped into the room, chewing gum and nodding in Dewey's direction, "And this girl, she said she knew you so I brought her up AND SHE'S NOT A GRYFFINDOR!"

"Right..." Dewey turned to the red head Hufflepuff who claimed to know her. "Have we met?"

"It's me, Pippin!" Dewey examined the red head, who was short and a tiny bit chubby.

"You know, Pip, most people just dye their hair."

"Yeah, I know." Dewey gave Pippin a look, "Fine, I'll be a blonde again." And she turned herself back to her normal, starry eyed, blonde haired, leggy girl that Dewey actually recognized.

Now that Lily had stopped hyperventilating, the four girls sat in a circle on the floor.

"Alice, I'd like you to meet my secret friend Dewey, and her not secret friend Pippin," Lily said. "Dewey, Pippin, this is my not secret friend Alice."

"Hi Alice," Dewey and Pippin chorused,

Alice spoke up, "Well, any secret friend of Lily's is a secret friend of mine!"

"Cool...so why don't we play a game or something?" Dewey asked boredly, glancing about the room.

"Yeah!" Alice squealed, "Okay, Pippin, what's your favorite band?"

Dewey scratched her head, "Uh, I was thinking like, who can jump out the window and break the least bones." They stared at her, "Fine, we'll play truth or blahhhh..."

"My favorite band is The Hobgoblins," Pippin smiled dreamily, "Stubby Boardman is quite good looking, yes?"

Alice giggled, "Yeah he's really cute."

"I met him once," Dewey said nonchalantly, "He looked kind of like Sirius, it was creepy."

"Whose Stubby Boardman?" Lily asked, and all the girls gasped loudly.

"He's like..." Dewey paused, "The Mick Jagger of the wizarding world."

"Ohmigodric, you know whose super hot?" Alice squealed.

Pippin leaned forwards, "The new Care of Magical Creatures teacher?"

"Yes!" Lily squealed too.

"I haven't seen him yet," Dewey shrugged.

"Too bad I'm taken..." Alice said, thinking of her sixth year boyfriend, Frank Longbottom. "Scratch that, Frank is amazing."

"Mmmm," Pippin said, "I'm taken too."

"I didn't know that," Dewey said, laying on her back on the floor.

"Yeah, Xeno is great."

"Xeno?" Dewey pushed herself up with her elbows and snorted.

"Short for Xenophelius."

"Awesome."

"I know, right?"

"Well, I'm not taken," Lily said with a smirk, "And the new professor is pretty young..."

"Please, Lily, I think we all know that you're totally in love with a certain pig-headed boy we're all familiar with," Alice grinned.

"Who?" Dewey asked curiously, to which Pippin rolled her eyes.

"Lily obviously likes James," Pippin told her.

Dewey looked slightly confused, "James who?"

"James Potter," Alice said in a 'duh' tone.

"Whoa," Dewey blinked, "I did not see that coming."

"How did you not see that coming?" Alice thought aloud.

"She didn't see it coming because, outside of this room, it's not true," Lily glared at them all, her wand at the ready. "Right?"

"Blimey, I didn't know Evans could be scary," Pippin wondered.

"Don't worry, I can keep a secret," Dewey said. She stretched and stood from her spot on the floor. "Well, secret friends, and Pippin, I have to go now. I have something important to tell my brother. Seeya."

Lily jumped up after Dewey, who had sprinted out of the room. She shouted, "AFTER HER!"

At the bottom of the stairs, Dewey was looking for her brother, or one of his compadres. She heard Lily chasing her down the stairs and started running again.

After jumping over a cat, a couch, and a couple first years, she made it to the portrait.

"DEWEY POTTER I WILL TEAR YOUR BLOODY HEAD OFF!" Dear Godric, Evans could be pretty damn frightening. Dewey ran down staircases, and (quite literally) pushed people out of the way.

_Make to the Great Hall, make it to the Great Hall, make it to the-_

"Ah!" Dewey ran into someone, who ran into the doors of the Great Hall, which opened and sent them both tumbling to the ground. Pieces of parchment flew everywhere.

"Oh Godric, I should have pushed you out of the way before I ran into the hall..." Dewey apologized. The man chuckled.

"S'alright, kiddo, just an accident..." The professor (who Dewey assumed was the new CoMC teacher) trailed off as he looked into her face. "Dewey?"

She squinted at the handsome features of the dude, who didn't look much older than her. Suddenly, it clicked.

"Doon?"

**GASP!**

**So, yeah, short future part, long past part...yeah.**

**Congrats to **_marypoppinscollar _**for guessing that Doon was Professor Kettleburn. YAY YOU!**

**So, I have a legit reason for not updating this time. I bought Sims 3 two weeks ago, made all the Marauders era character, and haven't stopped since. So far, James and Lily have had baby Harriet, and I'm going to kill them off tomorrow. So much fun.**


	9. Impulsive Decisions

**Gasping aloud, folks?**

I'm glad. Makes me feel like a gasp maker XD

Screwy Dewey

_Chappah Nyne_

_Impulsive Decisions_

_1975 (two months before school ends)_

Dewey stared blankly at her hands, then at the floor.

It had been ten months. A long, painful, lonely, and most of all _boring ten months_ since Doon had left to get a job. A job! What kind of friend runs off to make something of their life when they could make a bad reputation here?

She frowned. That had come out wrong. It should sound more like...why would a good friend leave to make money when he could make trouble right here at home?

No. No no no! She lit a pillow on fire and threw it in the direction of the boys dormitories.

This was all wrong. Doon had every right to leave, and if he did she was too!

She couldn't go back to England. Could she? She didn't have to go back to being a posh bitch, she could just go to London, right?

She scribbled a short note about James being dead and her leaving to comfort her grieving mother (yeah, right) and she'd be back for sixth year. Yeah, that'd work, they're always sympathetic about dead twin brothers. Always.

Then she chuckled, remembering how many times that excuse had worked. She was like a sixteen-tuplet by now.

After throwing some stuff in a bag, flicking some people in the head, she was ready.

Dewey kicked off her left shoe and peeled off my sock. After slipping the shoe back on I murmured _'portus'_ and held onto it.

A few moments later, Dewey was standing on the sidewalk in muggle London. Luckily, only one dude noticed her appear in the middle of the street, so she clapped him on the shoulder and walked on.

After a few minutes, Dewey realized that this might not have been the brightest idea. Honestly, disappearing from school in the middle of the year? I had little money, no place to stay, no family to crash with.

Well, too late to turn back now. She just had to find a cheap place and a roommate. Hell, she could even get a job.

And that's when she saw them.

It was just two kids, two boys, that were a bit ratty looking and were obviously not hanging around with their families much. The boy was sandy hair and playing an acoustic guitar, singing along with a thick Irish brogue and had the case open for donations, and the other boy had skin the color of milk chocolate and was holding a sign that read 'RECRUTING'

"What are you recruiting for?" Dewey asked the tall, black boy.

"We," He waved his hand over his friend, "are street performers. We are trying to expand our empire."

"So he's a musician," Dewey nodded, shoving her hands in her pockets and adjusting the strap on her back pack. "What do you do?"

"I'm a magician." She almost laughed at the irony. "Now, if you don't mind, I need to find someone who can do something that crowds will actually pay to see." He tilted his head a little, "Unless_ you_ can do something interesting."

"Oh, can I," Dewey smirked and pulled one of her lighters out of her pocket. She flipped it open and clicked so the usual tiny flame was there. The boy stared at her. Putting her hand over the flame, she closed the lid of the lighter and put it away. The flame (which had stayed in her palm) grew, then shrunk, then grew again. She passed it from hand to hand like it was a baseball.

"How...?" Then he leaned forward, "Are you an elemental?"

"Are you a wizard?" They stared at each other for some time before she blinked. "Look, I just don't want to be at school any more. Please don't go ape-shit and call the aurors."

"I'm trying to avoid some Death Eaters, I think they're going to ask me to join."

Dewey examined the other boy, who was still playing guitar, "What about him?"

"Pure muggle, doesn't know a thing about magic, and I don't plan on telling him," He held out his hand, "I'm Rich Thomas, that over there is Jude Finnigan." He tapped Jude on the shoulder and introduced him to Dewey.

"So we've got ourselves a new rag-tag pal, eh?" Jude grinned wickedly. "This'll be great, mate, an' we'll be the best of pals, right Dewey. But for now, 'oo wants to get sum'tin to eat, yeah?"

Oh yes, Dewey thought, coming here was a good decision.

She and the other two boys walked around London for a bit more before Rich Thomas grabbed her arm lightly and led her down an alley. Most girls would be nervous about walking down an abandoned alley in the afternoon with two guys, but Rich knew that, as a fire elemental, she could beat the shit out of both of them. Especially because Jude Finnigan was practically leprechaun sized anyway.

Jude held open a curtain that led to a tight space between two buildings with a grin. "Welcome, Miss Dewey Potter, to our 'umble abode. 'S called Sparta, if you were wonderin'"

"Now," Rich sat her down on a giant, bean-filled cushion. "If you're gonna be one of us Spartan Warriors, you have to look out for the Athenians."

"What is this, muggle history class?" Dewey muttered. "Right, how will I know who these Athenians are?"

"Well, they're are two guys and a lass," Jude shrugged, "And they're pret'y stuck up, yeh know? If you ever run intah them, jus' don' let 'em charm yeh. They can be rather charmin'." Jude trailed off with a dreamy grin.

"Don't mind him," Rich rolled his eyes, "Judy fancies the pants off Kathleen O'Neil, she's the Athen's little Irish magician. She's gone and seduced so much private information about us Spartans out of him."

"She's so pretty," Jude sighed. Rich whacked him upside the head.

Dewey laughed aloud. Oh yes. She would fit in here.

**(two months later)**

Dewey threw the flaming torches in the air, juggling six easily, and waiting for Jude to throw more at her. Carefully (haha, not!) she extinguished all the flames but one, and let all the torches fall in a row on the ground.

She raised the one torch that was still burning and held it so close to her lips she could feel the heat scalding her face, and she blew.

The crowd jumped and screamed as the flame grew and expanded in the air.

"Sweet Merlin, how can a muggle do that?" Dewey's head shot up and she smirked at the three boys hovering at the edge of the crowd, front row. She examined them, while casually twirling a double-ended torch (Both ends were lit, by the way. Pretty impressive.) in each hand.

She tilted her head. They looked vaguely familiar, Dewey supposed they must've been at some lame pureblood party when they were little.

Ignoring her gut feeling, which was telling her to run screaming, extinguished her torches and bowed deeply, the crowd 'awww'ing at their dismissal, but looking happy when Jude picked up his guitar and started to play. Rich looked at her quizzically, probably wondering why she'd finished her show early, from where he was doing his magic show on their make-shift platform across the street. She gave him a small grin and shrugged. She'd explain later.

She strutted over to where the three wizards were standing, their heads together.

"So, how is it that a muggle like me can do that?" She said, leaning her head into their circle.

They jumped but the muscular, black haired one recovered fastest and flipped his shiny hair out of his face.

"I take it your a witch, then?" He smirked leaning closer to her. "Funny, I haven't seen you around Hogwarts."

"Maybe I don't go to Hogwarts," She flirted.

He raised his eyebrows and took a step closer, "Oh, really? You don't sound French."

"I go to the American Institute for Elementals," She said, trying not to brag. "As a fire elemental, as you can see from the show."

"And what an excellent _show_ it was," He ran his eyes over her body, lingering on the holes she had burnt on the thighs of her jeans. "Are youa dancer?"

Dewey paused to decide if she should or should not be offended, and one other kid walked over to them.

"Hey guys, I got the food, it was wicked cheap in their, and I-" The boy who exited the bakery was extremely familiar.

The boy dropped the food, and powder from some sort of pastry (Danish, she assumed) poofed into the air. He stared at her. She stared back.

And then she turned and ran.

Kicking the lid of the guitar case that people had been throwing change in all day and grabbed it, shouting at Jude to run.

She started shouting to Rich, and he stopped mid-card trick to run after them, picking up his top hat full of money and taking off down the street.

"Wait!" He was pretty far behind her, she had a good lead. "Wait, I'm sorry!"

"Who is that?" Dewey barely heard Rich over the sound of her feet pounding on the pavement.

Dewey grimaced, "That was my brother."

_1976_

"Doon?" Oh wow. Dewey did not see this coming. No seriously, like, wow.

The few papers he had managed to pick up between being run over by Dewey and now drifted back to the ground.

Somewhere in the back of Doon's mind, he registered that the entire Great Hall was staring at them, and that hugging a student probably wasn't an entirely appropriate thing for a teacher to do.

So he picked her up and spun her around several times. "Dewey FRIGGIN Potter, what the hell are you doing here?"

He released her with a grin, and she beamed at him and punched him in the arm. Hard.

"What the hell am _I _doing here? What the hell are _you _doing here?" She shouted as put her in a headlock and dragged her around in a circle.

"Well," Lily, who had just arrived on the scene, said with her eyebrows raised. "I see you've met the new Care of Magical Creatures teacher."

"This is totally friggin' awesome, dude!" Dewey's British accent lessened noticeably as she talked to Doon, who released her from the headlock.

"What's going on here?" James shouted, walking over to them with Sirius, Remus, and Peter trailing behind him.

McGonagall walked over too, "I could ask the same thing."

"James, you remember Doon." Dewey said in a 'duh' tone, "He's the one who accidentally smashed my face open with a golf club"

"Oh yeah, good to see you again, mate," James shook Doon's hand enthusiastically. Doon looked thoroughly confused.

"Wait, so you and Dewey get along now?"

"Oh, yeah, that 'I hate you, you fucking douche' thing is way behind us now."

"Oh, then it's nice to finally meet when you're not being a total dick."

"Thanks, mate, that means a lot to me."

"James, what's going on?"

"Sirius, you remember Doon, right? Remember, with the blood and the missing teeth and the golf clubs, and Dewey was like 'I'm at Larissa Jones house' but she was really with Doon who is actually Professor Kettleburn, which I just did not see coming at all, this is pretty weird to me, actually."

"Wait, your the guy that smashed up Dewey's face?"

"That was an accident! Back me up on this, Dewey!"

"It was quite accidental, you see, we were playing golf and we were kind of smashed, which led to my face getting smashed, and I assume the rest is quite funny, but I can't really remember the rest, because Doon bought us some-"

"Dewey! Not helping!"

"Oh, right, 'cause you were of age and I wasn-"

"Dewey!"

"Right, got it, no more talking about- I mean, uh, nothing."

"Professor Kettleburn, what is going on?"

"Whose Professor Kettle- oh yeah, that's Doon. Do I have to call you Professor now?"

"Yeah, I guess you do."

"Yo, I thought your last name was Jones."

"Dude, that was a joke. Remember, I said 'Yeah, my last name is Jones and my sister is Larissa'"

"You mean you don't have a sister named Larissa?"

"Mornin' Dew, you really need to figure this out. Larissa Jones is not real. You fucking made her up, dude."

"Professor Kettleburn! Language, we're in front of the students."

"Right, sorry."

"Morning Dew? They have nicknames? James, why do they have nicknames for each other?"

"Shut up, Sirius."

"You're so jealous, Black."

"Pshht! I am so not, Evans."

"Wait, why would he even be jealous? Dewey, why would he be jealous?"

"He's not jealous, Doon, Evans is just being a bitch."

"Oh, we don't like Evans?"

"PROFESSOR! You do not hold grudges against _any _students! Nor do you favor any_!"_

"I know, I know...but Dewey and I...we go way back, man."

"Way, way back. Ha."

"Oh man, remember that time..."

"With that guy!"

"Who had that..."

"HAHAHA that was so crazy!"

"Remember how he..."

"And then _Harry Godsworth_ showed up!"

"Oh, God, I loved that kid!"

"And Harry was like 'Hey, where are my pants?'"

"Because...because...Kelly Janson had..."

"With the..."

"Yeah!"

"Good times..."

"Miss Potter! Professor Kettleburn in my office, now!" McGonagall's face was red with anger and confusion. At the heads table, Dumbledore was looking more and more amused. The students all looked confused, besides the students from AIE who looked like they were going to piss their pants.

Doon and Dewey? Together? Again? They had just gotten them apart, the dynamic duo of intimidating, nerve-racking, dangerous, fire elementals.

And one of them was a professor.

Dear Merlin, save us all.

**Damn writers block. Damn it to hell.**

**ANYWHO how crazy am I? A past-cliffie?**

**PLEASE REVIEW and tell me whether you like the past or the present part of the chapter more?**

Personally, I'm into the past part.


	10. Bleh

**Ugh, made you wait a while. But my computer's been a stupid-bi-polar-PMSing-bitch-in-an-anti-gravity-chamber up until about two weeks ago.**

**My bad.**

**Screwy Dewey 10 (double digits baby)**

_Bleh._

"JAMES!" Sirius shouted to him from behind, "JAMES, WHO IS THAT?"

James scowled with his feet still pounding on the pavement, had they not heard him shout 'DEWEY' pr were they just not sure who she was.

"WHO DO YOU THINK, IDIOT, IT'S DEWEY," That was Remus.

"DEWEY WHO?" Sirius again. He was always a bit slow when things shocked him. Actually, he was always really slow when things shocked him.

James could literally hear Remus roll his eyes, "DEWEY POTTER, WHO ELSE?"

Just as Dewey and her friends skidded into an alley in front of him, Jude (fed up with the running, for fear of his guitar Michelle being seriously harmed) spun around and pulled out his switchblade, shoving James against the alley's stone wall.

James was knocked into the wall so hard he felt his breath whoosh out of him, and felt his heart skip a few beats (in a non-romantic way, of course). The cool blade of a knife pressed sharply against his throat, and he felt a bead of hot, sticky blood trail over his collarbone.

"Oi!" He saw Sirius pull the Irish man off of him and shake him, "Back off, mate!"

James pulled his wand out of his pocket and saw Dewey (it felt so good to say that, that he _saw _Dewey!) imperceptibly shake her head. Of course, as her twin, he percepted it, and ignored it.

"What'ya gonna do, mate?" The Irish bloke sneered, "Poke me tah' death wit' yer twig? Ah don' go down tha' easily, Misteh High an' Migh'y."

"It's not a twig, you idiot, it's a-" Sirius was cut off by Dewey

"Stick!" Dewey broke in, "You know what'd be weird, Jude? If James, my long lost twin brother here, and his pal, errrr….Sir-rye-us?"

"Sirius."

"And his pal Sirius, thought that the twig was a magic wand!" Dewey laughed fakely, "Wouldn't that be odd?"

The Irish guy, Jude, shook his head a took a step back from James, switching the blade closed and returning it to his back pocket, "Fer sure, that'd be odd. I dunno where yeh come up wit' these wacky ideas, Dews."

James blinked in understanding. So Jude was a muggle. What about the other man? (Subconsciously, James puffed up a bit. Even if he _had _been a muggle, James could've taken him…right?) James wrinkled his nose. Dewey was staying with two men. He shifted, willing himself not to ruin his chance at getting his sister back.

There was a long pause.

"Well, this ain't awkward at all." It was then that James noticed the black boys American drawl, like a cowboy except less noticeable.

"Dewey, you have to come home!" James cursed himself out in his mind. That was SO not the right way to start the conversation.

Dewey snorted loudly, "Yeah, right, I'm coming home for _you."_James frowned and Dewey coughed awkwardly, "Next time the 'rents are out of the house, find me and we'll jam it up, it'll be mad crazy, we can chat, get plastered and shit, a'ight?"

James blinked at his twin, "Errr...can you repeat that? ...in _British?"_

"The next time our mother and father our out of the manor, just locate me and we shall listen to some music and throw a huzzah, it'll be all over the gaff, wicked barmy, we can gab, you'll be off your face and kick it off, the full monty!"

James nodded eargerly, "Yes! That'd be absobloodylutely fantastic!"

"Down, boy," Rich laughed a bit, "Why don't you and your minions follow us over here, mah alley-"

Jude coughed.

"Oh, fahne, _our_ alley is jus' this way," Rich swept away the back wall of the alley to reveal their little niche.

"Whoa," Peter muttered.

"I know, eh?" Jude agreed, "Innit weird how Rich found that blanket that looks _just like_ the alley's wall."

"Yeah," Dewey smirked, "Real lucky for us."

James examined the small home, colorful blanketswere strewn across the floor, and the stone walls had been painted, the back wall was a large life-like painting of Rich pulled a rabbit out of a top hat. The wall to the left had an older looking Jude, but this Jude had a ripped shirt and jeans, a black lightening-bolt shaped guitar and was singing into a microphone on a stage, with screaming rock fans reaching up at him. On the thrid wall was a half finished painting of his sister – of Dewey – she was half-naked, he noted with a frown, wearing only a pair of pants and a red sports bra, she was smirking and playing with fire, as she usually is. The back ground wasn't quite finished yet, but it appeared to be some kind of desert.

"Why isn't Dewey wearing a shirt in that painting?" James demanded.

Sirius muttered, "Why is she wearing one now?" But, luckily for Sirius, no one heard him but Jude and Rich. Who 'hmmmed' his agreement.

"Cannot agree more, mate," Jude nodded, undressing Dewey with his eyes. Rich punched him in the arm, causing Jude to pout, "Oi! Yeh know I bruise likeh peach."

James observed Rich, Jude, and Dewey's interactions silently. He frowned. He and Dewey had _never_ been that comfortable with each other, and the three street kids all simultaneously stretched their arms over their heads and fell backwards onto three different beanie bag poufs.

"Take a seat, y'all are our guests," Rich waved his arm and three more seats fell out of the air.

Jude clapped, "I still don' know 'ow yeh do that, Richie, 's pret'y impressive, iht is. 'S like real magic."

Remus raised an eyebrow and Rich shrugged modestly, "Takes a lotta practice. So, yer Dewey's...twin brother. That's...intrestin'."

"Yeah, I left home 'bout two years ago, after my – after this kid I had been staying with broke my face open-"

"Broke your face open?" Rich raised an eyebrow and James nodded.

James cleared his throat, "Yeah, how did that happen?"

"Well, we were pretty smashed, and we were playing golf on the roof-"

"The roof?"

"Yes, the roof, anyway, I puked off the side and then...well, we had some sort of conversation that I forget, and then Doo – then he whacked my face with a golf club and I lost some teeth and blacked out, woke up at my place, my father fixed my face and sort of kicked me out."

"You weren't kicked out!" James protested, "You left! And what happened to Dean?"

"His name wasn't Dean, it was...it was Doon, his name was Doon."

"Y'know, I like the name Dean."

"Not the point, Rich," Jude muttered.

"He got a job in Romania, working at a dragon habitat, a year ago," Dewey shrugged like she didn't care, "Haven't seen 'im since."

"Oh."

"Yeah, but good for him though, right?" Dewey wrinkled her nose, "I don't think the whole 'job' thing is for me."

"Like anyone would want yeh," Jude teased.

Dewey punched his arm and Jude let out a small 'eep', then she cracked her knuckles, "That was for bein' a wimp, ya' mamas boy."

Jude scowled at her, "Jus' 'cause I keep in touch wit' mah mothah doennit make meh a mamas boy."

James blinked furiously, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eye with his palms.

"Right, then, I'll just go now, then," James stood, "Nice to meet you all, I'll find you Dewey, or you can come to me – you know which window is mine, mum and dad are going to me gone for the last three weeks of summer, come visit, see you then, bye."

The rest watched as James left in a rush, he – though he wouldn't tell anyone, even Sirius – couldn't believe Dewey had started calling someone else a mamas boy. She had always called him that.

Sirius and the others stood up as James hurried out.

Remus smiled at the three others, "Well, it really was nice to see you again, Dewey, even though we've only met a handful of times before." He held out his hand for her to shake and she slapped it like a high five.

"It was nice to see James again," Dewey grinned, "I'll visit eventually, not this summer though, I'm going to South Africa to visit this witch I've been owling, funny story actually. See, we both got arrested in New Jersey this one time – well, just make sure James is home for Christmas."

"Sure thing, Dewey," Sirius smiled blindingly at her and she smirked back, "I'll make sure the message gets to him."

"Thanks _Sirius."_ He shivered at the way his name rolled off her tongue and he, Remus, and Peter left the alley.

Remus shook his head, "She's James sister."

He smiled a bit and shook his hair out of his face, "I know."

_(omgswoonsiriushairflip) 1976_

"This is unacceptable," Minerva McGonagall peered down her glasses at them like a hawk, "For a professor to just- just pick up a student like that!"

Dumbledore entered the office at that moment, and moved to stand behind Minerva.

"But it's perfectly fine for one best friend to pick up another," Dewey said smoothly, but blanched at McGonagalls glare, "Uh, ma'am."

"Please, Minerva," Dumbledore soothed, "It was only to be expected with a teacher so young." Doon coughed. "but with so much experience in his field, and we had no other choice but to hire Professor Kettleburn, he was most praised at the dragon habitat."

"Yeah, and I went to school with these AIE kids," Doon nodded, "It was only to be expected and whatnot."

"Yes, I suppose," McGonagall agreed hesitantly.

Dewey and Doon stood simultaneously, backing slowly towards the door.

Doon started, "Well this has been nice..."

"But we need to go now."

"People to see..."

"Plans to make..."

"Things to catch up on..."

"People to bother"

"You know,"

"Rounds to make"

"So tata for now, fellow professors."

"So long, peoples of higher power."

And they left the room. Dumbledore chuckled, "I fear this will be more interesting than we were planning."

"Say coffee."

"Caw-fey."

Doon chuckled, "Ha. Nice."

"Well, you say cah-fee," Dewey stuck out her tongue, "Nasty American boy."

"Boy?" Doon puffed up, "I'm a _man."_

"Yeah, mmmkay."

"Dewey!" Doon whined, "Don't say it all sarcastic-y!"

She saw the approaching portrait of the fat lady, and announced loudly, "Thank you, Professor Kettleburn, for accompanying me back to the common room and forgiving me for mistaking you for my old friend who you're not and then I assaulted you, bye!"

"Way to be subtle, Dews," He murmured before letting her enter the Gryffindor common room.

Dewey crawled through the portrait hole and as soon as she stepped foot into the common room the sound died out and people began to stare.

Sirius was suddenly behind her and grabbing her arms and James was grabbing her legs, and she didn't protest.

They were halfway up the stairs when she said, "You know, I would've come willingly."

"I know," Sirius smirked and shook his hair out of his face.

James giggled like a girl, "This is just more fun."

Remus opened the door to their dorm to let in Sirius and James (and Dewey, of course). Dewey was blinking sleepily (it was now ten at night, as she had spent the last few hours with Doon, catching up with him. But neither of them had very much energy after the sun went down (they _were_ fire elementals).

James dropped her leg and Sirius stumbled backwards onto his bed, Dewey crashing on top of him.

Dewey blinked sleepily and wrapped her arms around Sirius chest, leaning her head over his heart.

"You're comfy," She muttered.

James rolled his eyes, "How much sleep have you gotten since you've been here, Dewey?"

"Shishteen hours," She mumbled.

Remus sputtered, "She would be dead, we've been in classes for nearly two weeks."

"Yeah, but she's a fire elemental, she sleeps for an hour when the sun goes down and then is up all night and day. It's weird. Like, if she got two hours of sleep she could be awake for two days. I dunno. It's madness."

Dewey was half-asleep and Sirius was burning up, "Merlin, you're practically a kertrillion degrees!"

"Your heart is beating really fasht," She mumbled into his chest and Remus snickered as James obliviously nodded.

"Yeah, the heat'll do that to you," James agreed.

Remus chuckled quietly, "Mhmm, it's the _heat _that's getting to him. The_ heat _that's causing all of the _tension_ in this room."

"You shmell like fog," Dewey inhaled deeply, and Sirius inhaled sharply, "It shmells sooo grood. Heh. You're pretty manly. I feel drunk. I need more shleep."

"Get. Her. Off. Of. Me."

James laughed a bit, "You and Dewey have been so _awkward _since last summer."

"We've always been awkward," Sirius grasped for an excuse, "Since we're secret aurors together and all."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot the ministry recruited you guys at age eight to attend secret meetings and save the world six times before the age of thirteen," James said, "Can't believe I forgot about that. That makes sense."

With that, James decided to go prepare for bed, and Sirius shook his head after the idiot he called his best friend.

"He is so gullible."

**XD**

**review, my lovelies?**

**this one's for you, marypoppinscollar!**


	11. Flirting Through Argument

**Disclaimer: I live in boring old Constantly-Smells-Like-Cows, New York, so no, I don't own Harry Potter. I know, hard to believe.**

**OMFFFFFFG over 100 reviews! 103, actually XD. Now, you're probably like 'whattttt there are 179 reviews!' BUT when I restarted this fic I had 76 reviews on the old one, so now my NEW version of Screwy Dewey has over 100 reviews! I love you ALL and it's been over a year since this fic has started, and we're practically half-way done with the fic. I'm not sure, there will probably be like seven or eight or twenty more chapters.**

**Haha, glad you likeed the 'British' part, I had to look all of it up.**

**If you speak French, prepare for an onslaught of curses! Totally 'M-rated' curses, mind you! But if you don't...it's just a conversation about bunnies. Really, it is.**

**Screwy Dewey**

_Chapter 11_

_Flirting Through Argument_

_1975_

Dewey smiled and leaned back, laying on the sand and smiling at her friend, Claire, who (despite her fairly average name) was probably the most interesting person Dewey had ever met.

Claire O'Reilly was a tall, part-veela, Irish, red-haired blue-eyed fourteen year old who she was visiting for a week. And, even though Claire was Irish, they were both currently in South Africa, where there were a surprising amount of blonde people.

Claire was wearing jean shorts and a tight white tank top, but was still sweating like crazy. Dewey shrugged, she was sweating too. They were practically on the equator, and they were on a beach.

"Blimey, nexx time, we're going to a bloody nude beach," Claire groaned, summoning an umbrella and blocking out the sun with it. Dewey laughed as the muggle Claire had summoned the umbrella from started looking around, confused. "If there is a nexx time. I keep forget'in tha' you're leavin tomorrah."

"You should come with," Dewey suggested. "I mean, Rich and Jude will loooove you, you sexy beast."

"Yeah? I been thinking', and I will come with yah," Claire glanced around, "I mean, who'd a thunk the 'most exotic' continent in the fraggin world is so...so lame. I mean, besides that mis'ap wit' that lioness tha' went an' scratched my neck and broke your car."

"Eh, it wasn't my car, but that was awesome," Dewey nodded, "Plus you got wicked scars."

"Yeah, yeah, those scars are cool!" Claire tilted her head, "'Oose car was it, anyway?"

"I dunno, some safari tour guide dudes?"

"Le's go tah England today, Dewey, this is too much!" Claire growled, "I cannae stand being in this bloody heat! Besides, I 'ave been 'ere for two 'ole months, tha's far too long to be in one place, yeah?"

Dewey laughed, two months was probably the longest time Claire had ever spent in one place. She had a tendency to move whenever she started to get attached to something, so Dewey knew she must really like it here.

"'Kay," Dewey stood, "So, are we going, like, right now?"

"Hell yes!" Claire jumped up and spun around happily, "Let's go!"

Claire picked up a shell and muttered 'portus', and it started to glow blue.

"Someone's in a rush!" Dewey laughed, putting a finger on the shell. She didn't really mind all the stuff she was leaving behind, there wasn't that much stuff she owned anyway.

Dewey face-planted on the grass, and smelled rain (it must've stormed the night before). She breathed in deeply. Ahh, England.

"We should only be 'bout five miles from London," Claire said, "I didn't know where else we could land, so I jus' sent us to the only place I knew."

"No prob, I can apparate us from here," Dewey shrugged, still high on the rush of an illegal portkey. She grabbed Claire's arm and apparated them to the alley she shared with Jude and Rich. "Sweet Merlin."

Dewey spun in a full circle, examining the completely destroyed habitat.

The curtain was ripped, slashed up. And all the plush bean bags were scorched, and Rich's paintings were destroyed.

"Is this the righ' place?" Claire asked.

Dewey slid down the brick wall, "I dunno what happened. It's...it's fricking destroyed. Someone fricking destroyed it.

"Tha's 'orrible!" Marie started cursing in French. Dewey knew Claire had the tendency to speak French at random intervals, "'Oo would do such a- what's that?"

Dewey plucked a hastily scribbled note off the floor, "It's a note from Rich and Jude."

_Dewey_

_We're leaving, the police are onto us about my wizard thing and Jude's gone and eloped with Kathleen O'Neil, that bastard, he's living in Ireland, and I'm back in Missouri._

_Visit._

_Pretty Much The Greatest Person You'll Ever Meet,_

_Rich Thomas_

Dewey could honestly say she wasn't mad, just shocked. Hell, she'd been gone for six days! And, frackk, Jude was fucking married!

"Merde," Claire hissed, "Now where should we go, Dewey? We could go to the-"

"We can go to my house," Dewey sighed resignedly, "My parents are gone until school starts, but my bro and his friends are there."

Claire involuntarily wrinkled her nose at the world 'school', "You're not going back to school, righ'? You'll be stayin' with me?"

"I think I'm going back to school," Dewey shrugged. "I wanna finish."

"Ew," But then Claire shrugged, "Whatever. Let us go to chez-toi, non?"

"Oui," Dewey smiled, using a bit of French, "To chez-moi."

Dewey apparated them both into the tree outside her room and climbed in through her window.

"Hold on a tick, Peter, I think I hear something," Dewey heard someone say outside the door.

The door swung open and Dewey found herself face-to-face with Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.

"Er...hello..." She rubbed the back of her head. Awkward.

Sirius blinked, "Dewey? I thought you weren't coming till Christmas?"

"Africa was hot and boring after a while," Dewey shrugged.

"Africa?" Sirius decided not to comment on that, "I thought you looked tanner."

"Thanks," Dewey grinned. "The sun was intense, so the tan better have been worth it."

"Putain!" Dewey cringed when she heard Claire crash to the floor behind her, "Baissez-vous, Dewey! Nique ta mere! Oh, tu pute!"

Dewey rushed over to help up her cursing French friend, Remus and Sirius were right behind her.

"Sorry, Claire!" Dewey pulled her woozy friend to her feet.

"Merde, I'm bloody bleedin'," Claire clutched her right forearm, which was dripping blood onto the carpet.

"I can fix that," Remus led her out of the room and Dewey saw her Irish siren smile flirtatiously at the young lycan.

"He's so going down," Dewey chuckled, seeing a blush climb up the back of Remus' neck as they walked away, "So, where's James?"

"Err," Sirius blinked, weirded out by seeing the hot girl go after his friend, not him. He was happy, though, because he liked looking at Dewey more, especially with her new tan-ness. "Let's go find him, yeah?"

"Yeah," Dewey nodded, ignoring Sirius' wandering eyes, "Let's."

Dewey jumped into the hallway, Sirius right in front of her.

She cracked her neck.

Time to get serious.

(Haha, get serious? Get Sirius? No? Yeah...no.)

_1976_

Dewey was fooling around with that stupid piece of parchment that she had stolen from Sirius. He claimed it was a map.

It didn't look like a map.

It didn't smell like a map.

It didn't _taste _like a map.

But apparently, it was a map.

"Errr…reveal your secrets!" She tapped the parchment with her wand. Slowly but surely, four different handwritings showed up on the page. Dewey squinted at the paper.

_Mr. Moony thinks Ms. Hotstuff should please return the map to The Marauders_

_Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and wants to know who decided that the nickname for his big sister was to be 'Hotstuff'_

_Mr. Padfoot thinks that the reason for nicknaming her 'Hotstuff' is fairly obvious and would like to point out that it's not my fault she got the map_

_Mr. Wormtail points out that it's entirely Mr. Padfoot's fault Ms. Hotstuff got the map and begs Ms. Hotstuff to return it_

"Return it?" Dewey snorted, "Not likely. Hmmm…Ms. Hotstuff. There's a nickname I could get used to."

"Hey hey Dew-way!" Dewey smiled as Ray, her favorite Slytherin (actually, the only Slytherin she liked) entered the class. She hadn't known him long, but when he and Pippin (his best friend, a Hufflepuff.) met someone who liked them, they tended to latch on a bit. "You look like you're up to no good."

"I solemnly swear it!" Dewey laughed, looking around, noticing the lack of Pippin. This was the first time she had ever seen them apart (not counting anything that happened in the girls dorms, that is)

"What do you solemnly swear?" Ah, speak of the devil. There's Pip.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," Dewey grinned, tapping her wand on the table repeatedly.

She looked down and realized she had been tapping the map which was suddenly gaining lines and dots and names all over the place.

"Whoa."

She glanced it over once or twice. There's Doon, pacing in his room. Remus in the boys dorms. Peter in the (ew) bathroom down the hall.

While Dewey was examining the map thoroughly, Pippin and Ray had their own conversation.

"Do you think Sirius Black is totally gorgeous?"

"Ray, I have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, but he's not here, is he."

"Still, I'm not gonna talk about some other guy. Besides, Dewey's madly in love with him, so don't go trying to turn him gay or something, 'cause she'd be sad if it works."

"Alright…hey, did you know there's supposed to be this Swiss cheese where you hold the biggest hole up to your eye and spin three times, then whoever it lands on is your true love."

"Mate, you're crazy."

"Well…BLEH!"

"BLEH!"

"BLEEEEEH!"

"BLEH times infinity! I win!"

"BLEH times infinity and beyond!"

"You win this round, amigo…."

"This is totally AWESOME!" Dewey jumped out of her seat, pushing past Pippin and Ray and their odd conversation hurriedly, "See you later guys, I hafta find my brother or Sirius or something!"

Pippin and Ray looked at the door, where she sprinted away, then at each other, then back at the door.

Ray tilted his head, "Well, she's a weird one, isn't she."

"Mhmm. So, about that cheese…."

Dewey sprinted down the hall, not looking up from the map but still dodging every student in her path.

"Dewey, what's going on?" Sirius Black asked as she ran past him, and she ignored him. He started to run after her, a bit worried, but mostly curios.

Dewey skidded around a corner…and right into one very angry water elemental Slytherin, Pierre Delacour.

She landed awkwardly on top of him, bashing foreheads accidentally.

She had been looking for the dot on the map that should say 'James Potter', and had not seen 'Pierre Delacour' rounding the corner too.

"Ewwww!"

The two rivals (in both element and house) jumped up immediately, flying away from each other.

Dewey jumped backwards, right into Sirius, who caught her under the arms to steady her, holding her back against his chest.

"Smooth," Sirius murmured in her ear, Straightening up and regaining balance, Dewey pulled away and ignored the blush on her face.

"Watch it, _Pottair,"_ Pierre spat at her in his French accent, before turning to size up Sirius.

You see, Pierre Delacour was a handsome boy. No, not just handsome, he was totally _gorgeous._ Dewey remembered Marie often saying he was capital H-o-t-t, Hott. And boy, did he know it. Unlike Sirius, who was the same way, he also had the advantage of being seemingly unreachable. While Sirius went out of his way to ask out girls, Pierre roped them in slowly, letting them come to him, letting those stupid girls_ really _fall in love with him first. Dewey knew this all too well.

Delacour had been a constant enemy, and occasional secret-snog-buddy, of Dewey Potter up until sixth year, when they had tried an actual, public relationship. That did not work out too well. Especially when she had refused to 'put out' as he so eloquently put it.

Dewey glared as he flipped his stupid gorgeous black hair aside.

"You watch it, _Delacour,"_ Dewey spat back, and the air started to crackle, "Maybe it you hadn't had that _enormously large ego _to carry around you would have seen me coming."

Subtly, Dewey handed the map to Sirius, who put it in his back pocket. Pierre took a threatening step forward, and she felt Sirius tense beside her and step towards her.

"Well, Dewey, I seem to remember a time when tu did not zink my ego was all zat big, non?"

"Oh, please, Pierre," Dewey stepped forward, crossing her arms, and tilted her head to look into his face (they were toe-to-toe, now, and he was rather tall) "I always knew it was atrociously large, I just chose to ignore it."

"You ignored it ze _entire _time we were doing ze dating?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You ignored it _when?" _They both ignored Sirius' irrational outburst.

"No, not when we were snogging, just whenever we had to do, y'know, couple-y stuff, like talking."

"C'est vrai, I do 'ave memories of zis," They both stepped back a bit, "So…would you like to do more of ze snogging, zen?"

"_No_, she _would not like to snog you more!"_ Sirius stepped in between them hastily, completely blocking Pierre from Dewey's view.

Dewey punched his back, and peeked over his shoulder at her ex.

"Merlin, Sirius, I can speak for myself," She pushed him out of the way and glared at Pierre, _"No,_ I _would not like to snog you more!"_ Dewey jumped on Sirius' back and patted his head, "Now, go to the common room, I have things to discuss with a certain brother of mine."

Pierre raised an eyebrow as Sirius began to walk down the hall while carrying Dewey piggy-back style.

He heard some of their conversation before they were completely out of hearing distance.

"What am I, your mule?" He heard Sirius complain.

Dewey had snorted, "Yeah, when you get all jealous like that and I let it slide, you owe me."

"I was not being jealous!"

Pierre laughed a bit, knowing that they would both end up together in the long run.

But…

He tapped his chin thoughtfully.

He hadn't done anything particularly evil in a while, so…

Time to stage an intervention!

**Oh, eviiil Pierre Delacour, **

**ANDDDDDDDDDDdDDDDDD**

**Review**

**MUAHAHAHABANANAHAHAHAHAHA**

**(heehee, there's a banana in ^there^)**

**(ps- sorry, I'm giggly cuz it's 2am and I just watched StarKidPotter's musical, Me And My Dick. Lulz SOO funny. I also watched A Very Potter Musical again on you tube and it's sequel if you haven't seen it GO WATCH IT NOW OR ELSE)**


	12. Everyone's A Little Bit Gay Except Ray

**Uno chapitre pour el screwo le dew-o.**

**Haha YOU'RE ALL JEALOUS CUZ I SPEAK SPANISH**

**suck ooooooooon that**

**Screwy Dewey**

**Chapter 12**

_Everyone Is A Little Gay Except Ray_

_1975_

Dewey was scheming.

Sirius was bored.

Peter was sleepy.

Claire was smirking.

Remus was blushing.

James was hesitant.

"I dunno, we're not...we're not even seventeen yet. And you're supposed to be eighteen for muggle bars," James said. Not like he hadn't drunk at bars in Hogsmeade, but these were muggles. "And it's in Ireland, which means an illegal portkey..."

"I _told'ya_, this bar don' give a damn, s'long as yeh can see over the bar yeh're old enuff tah drink," Claire repeated for the umpteenth time. "'S 'round Dingle, 's a great place for a drink or two with mates. And Dewey an' I both know how tah make a portkey wit'out the bobbies catchin' on."

"Fine..." James consented. Sirius cheered internally. "But only for a drink or two."

"Of course, Jimmy dearest," Dewey smiled, pulling out her wand. "Only a drink or two."

"_Remembuh, to let 'er under yer skin, then yah begin, to make it better, bettah, bettah, bettah, bettah, bettah, OWWWW!" _Claire belted as they stumbled down the cobbled street.

"_Naaa, na na, nanana naaaaaa, nanana naaaaaaaa, hey Jude!"_ Dewey joined in, laughing, as Sirius stood behind her and yelled a couple of 'Yeah!'.

"Oi! Shu'up, yeh bloody drunks!" Someone shouted from an open window in an apartment building.

The group of six tried, and failed, to stifle their giggles before crashing onto the sand of Dingle Bay.

"Dew, D-Dew Dew Deweeeey, that grass we were walking on, it was covered in dew, it was _dewey! _Haha, get it? _Dewey?" _James rolled on the sand, laughing his head off.

Dewey burst out laughing and turned to face Sirius, "He's not _Sirius, _is he? Hehehe, ha ha. HAHAHA. HEHEHAHAHEHA!"

"Shuddup," Claire groaned, annoyed at the puns. "Let's go swimming!"

"Are you kidding, Claire?" Peter said incredulously, "That water must me below 50, we'll get hypo-freaking-thermia."

"Suit yerself," She ran, screaming and fully clothed, into the water. "Merlin's balls! It bloody freezin' in 'ere! _Merde,_ I think my toes jus' chipped off. Come on in, you lot!"

Turning to her twin and shrugging, Dewey and James took off hand in hand for the water, cheering as the freezing cold saltwater numbed them. Soon, Remus, Pete, and Sirius joined in too, and when they crawled back onto the beach, shivering, they were considerably more sober.

"_Portus,"_ Dewey pointed her wand at a shell and everyone stuck a finger on it.

Soon they had all changed into snug pajamas and were sitting cross-legged on the floor, around the fire place, drinking strong tea. Mostly, now, they were sober.

"So...how do you light this thing?" James poked the stack of wood with her wand. "You can't just _incendio_ the wood, right? I mean, it doesn't just work like that."

Dewey snorted, pushing her brother aside, "Amateurs."

She flicked her lighter open and sent a huge burst of fire into the fire place, nearly lighting the surrounding area on fire too.

There was a small silence where everyone marveled at the scorched mantelpiece.

"Well," Remus stated, "That was efficient."

Claire turned to Remus, "You know, there's somet'in off 'bout you."

The lycan blinked guiltily, before blurting out, "I'm wearing mismatched socks! All the other ones were dirty, and I just couldn't find a matching pair, and Sirius wouldn't let me borrow his and James has teeny tiny feet, so I'm wearing a red sock and a green one! I feel like a bloody Christmas decoration!"

"No, s'not your socks," She leaned forward to consider him, letting out a few doctor-like 'hmmms' and poking him in the face. "Ah, yes, yeh're a werewolf."

Claire leaned back onto the floor casually, while everyone else bolted upright, a little freaked out by her calm announcement.

"Claire, you can't just accuse people of being werewolves!"

"But 'e is one!"

"Oh. Well, then I guess it's okay. You know, I knew a few werewolves One guy, Brutus, tried to eat my flesh this one time, but other than that he was cool. We were tight, especially since he was gay and I set him up with my other gay werewolf friend, Pablo."

"I'm not- I mean, no!" Remus spluttered on the verge of hysteria, "Werewolf! HA! You're funny...WRONG...but funny. Werewolf, that's totally ridicu- how'd you know?"

"Me brother's ex-girlfriend was a werewolf," Claire said, like it was obvious.

"And, he broke up with her because she was a werewolf, I presume."

"Nah, she was gay."

"Oh," Remus blinked, "That's...weird."

"Not really," Dewey said, "I have a bunch of gay friends! They're all totally normal, just gay!"

"Aren't gay people...kinda weird?" James said hesitantly.

Dewey smacked him upside the head, "No! Don't be a dick!"

"Dewey, yeh 'ave to admit, you 'ave a surprisingly large amount of gay friends," Claire pointed out, "And that's pretty weird. You just...attract gay people. Like Doon."

"Doon's not gay," Dewey told her.

Claire sat up again, "Really? That's weird. I bet he will be, that dude is definitely gay."

"No, he's definitely not. And I don't have a surprisingly large amount of gay friends. I have a totally expected-ly large amount of gay friends."

"You just told a story about your gay werewolf friend that you set up with your other gay werewolf friend. How many people have _two _gay werewolf friends?"

"I have two gay _vampire _friends, you know Edwardo and Jazz. I have _three _gay werewolf friends. Which reminds me, Remus, if you're gay then I totally know this awesome werewolf dude, Jakey. You'd get along swell, he really loves Shakespeare and all those old muggle dudes. You like them too, right?"

"Wha-? I'm not gay," Remus blushed horribly. "I mean...I kissed Sirius once, but that was fourth year!"

"You kissed Sirius in fourth year?" James asked, "That's funny, I kissed Sirius in fourth year."

They both turned to stare at Sirius, who shrugged, "What can I say, I was a curious fourth year."

"So you're a little gay?"

"I t'ink everyone's a lit'le gay, mate," Claire said philosophically.

"But you are a werewolf?"

"...yeah."

"Oh, righ', back to my brother's ex, so my brother walked in on her making out with me and then it was just awkward, you know?" Claire shrugged, like making out with your brother's werewolf girlfriend was completely normal.

"Are _you_ gay?" Sirius asked her.

"No," Claire shrugged, "I'm kind of bi-sexual, I guess, but I prefer the male type," She stopped to think, "Actually, I t'ink I jus' go for the dangerous creature type. Like, my brother's werewolf ex-girlfriend, or this vamp I met, Carlos, or that one time I even tried to hit on Dewey fer her fire elemental ruggedness. I 'ad though' abou' Doon, o' course, but God damn, I coulda sworn 'e were gay."

Claire turned to Remus, resting her hand on his mid-thigh. He gulped loudly, and Dewey snickered at his awestruck expression. She guessed, because of his werewolf insecurities, he hadn't ever been in that kind of position with a girl. And this particular girl was part-veela, which probably didn't help.

"I wasn' kiddin' when I said I liked the dangerous type," She winked provocatively, "I'm off tah bed. Any dark creatures by the name of Dewey or Remus want tah join me fer the night?"

"I think I'm good, Claire," Dewey chuckled.

"Eurghlenphhhh," Remus mumbled, bright red.

Claire left the room, and Dewey followed shortly, sensing the blokes needed their 'bloke-time'. Even though Peter had recently fallen asleep on the floor.

"So, Remus," Sirius said innocently, "I think she likes you."

In response, he got a pillow to the head.

_1976_

Pierre Delacour stood in front of the massive library, marveling for a bit.

It had been a week and a half since he had decided to stage his intervention, and he had yet to begin.

But where to start?

Step One, he needed to find a dictionary, because if one was to stage an intervention, one should know what the word means.

Step Two, he needed to plan his intervention (or scheme, depending on what the results of Step One were) and play it out perfectly with no mistakes.

And if Step One and Two worked out, Step Three would be to laugh and explain the intervention to them, and watch as they realized they were all idiots.

"It's quite brill, isn't it?" He (internally) jumped when a tinkling voice from beside him spoke up. He hadn't noticed the shorter red head come up behind him. Instinctively, his eyes shot to her neck tie. Gryffindor (ew.) "The library, I mean."

"Oui," First word to non-French women should always be in French. Chicks dig that shit. "C'est un grande CDI."

"Oh! You're French!" She exclaimed happily, "How wonderful! My name is Lily, Lily Evans."

Interesting. The Potter girl, her brother was apparently quite known for being largely infatuated with this girl. And this girl was notorious for being friends with friendly Slytherins.

Goddamn, intervention better be the right word, because this, Pierre thought ecstatically, this is how an intervention should work.

"Enchante, madmoiselle. Je m'appel Pierre Delacour," He took her hand and kissed the back of it, enjoying the flush that covered her face as he did so, "So, you 'ave been un student 'ere for 'ow long?"

"Oh, I'm a seventh year, and I've been going to Hogwarts my entire life," She said pleasantly.

"'Ow fascinating!" Pierre faked enthusiasm, "I 'ave been to _trois _schools, including ze 'Ogwarts."

"Really? How wonderful!" She said again, "You'll have to tell me all about it sometime, but for now I'm just hanging up fliers. I'm headgirl."

"'Eadgirl? You must be un bonne student, to be 'onored like zis, non?"

"Ah, yes, I like to keep up with my grades, I'm very glad I got it."

"Oui, oui, c'est fantastique! Alas, you must go, non, to 'ang ze...fliers?"

Lily turned to go, but hesitated, "Well, my job was to inform people about this dance we're going to have at the end of the month. On Halloween, and you, as a student, deserve to know, too. So I guess I can stay and talk about it for a bit. It's going to be on the 31, obviously, and we were trying to finalize a short-notice Hogsmeade trip two weeks from now..."

"C'est tres excellent!"

Pierre smirked. A dance? He didn't even care if intervention was the right freaking word anymore, he was gonna goddamn use that word! It was all just working out way too perfectly.

He knew exactly what to do first.

Now all he needed was to find Dewey Potter...

James sighed, wandering the halls a bit aimlessly. He had been patrolling, but now he was just staring at his map, the Marauder's Map, happily. Dewey had finally (been forced to) return it last week (after they had threatened to throw her beaters bat into the Whomping Willow.

Suddenly two dots, nearly on top of each other, caught his eye.

Great, another snogging (or worse, shagging) couple to separate.

James lifted his glasses to try and read the names, but quickly realized that that didn't help at all.

Let's see, that one was...Pierre Delacour.

And the other was...no way...oh, gross.

Dewey Potter.

*One Week Later*

One week later, Dewey Potter walked into the Great Hall, completely avoiding her twin, along with the awkward conversation that was bound to follow, and sitting at the Slytherin table with Ray. Several people hissed at her as she sat. She roared back. Good times.

"Dewey, I...need to tell you something private," Ray mumbled. Glancing around, she realized this would be no problem, since there was absolutely no one within at least a 3 yard radius around them.

"What's up, Rayman?" In the past two or three weeks, Dewey had really gotten to know Ray and Pip better, but mostly Ray since Pippin was constantly sneaking off campus or writing bizarre letters to her even more bizarre boyfriend.

"I think I'm crushing in someone. Like, a lot."

"Wait, who do you have a crush on?"

"I think it's more like I'm in love..."

"_Who?"_ Suddenly it hit her, "Ohmigodric, you're in love with James? _James?"_

"No," Ray mumbled.

"Dude, _tell me!"_

"Pifferfdf," He mumbled, and Dewey flicked him in the ear. "It's _Pippin,_ alright?"

Dewey stared at him, "But you're...gay. Aren't you."

"I don't know! I...I think I'm straight."

"Dude, you can't just bounce back and forth between straight and gay, unless you're bi, it doesn't work like that."

"Being gay has always been my rebellious thing!" Ray admitted, "I just told my father that one day to see what he would do, and now my parents hate my guts, and everyone but me thinks I'm gay. I mean, I always _assumed _I was gay, because I've seen guys that I thought were attractive, but I see girls I think are attractive too! And I've never had a real crush on a guy or a girl! Well, until now..."

"Pippin is madly in love with that older guy!"

"You don't think I know that!" He snapped, "Stupid Xenophilius Lovegood."

"Are you sure you're not just confusing brotherly love with...something else?"

"If what I dreamed about last night is how brothers think of their sisters, it's no wonder more and more purebloods are inbreeding. And besides, I have a sister. She's a beautiful slut, and I do _not _think of her like that. I've never thought about guys like that either."

"Okay. Wow. Way too much info." They were both silent, "So, you're not even a little bit gay?"

"No."

"Dude."

"I know."

"I mean...seriously..._dude."_

"I know."

Pippin approached the table happily, smiling dreamily, "Hello, Dewey, Hello, Ray. What are you two talking about."

"Magic cheese," Ray said at the same time Dewey said, "Prostitutes."

Pippin blinked, "Okaaaay."

She sat down and immersed herself in a book, obliviously.

"Prostitutes?" Ray hissed at Dewey. "Why would we be talking about prostitutes?"

"I panicked!" She mouthed back, "You said magic cheese!"

"It exists!"

"And prostitutes don't?"

"Ugh- nevermind, I gotta go," Ray stood, standing awkwardly for a moment before leaving without another word.

The rest of the Slytherins at the table simultaneously turned to glare at them, a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff sitting there with no Slytherin.

"Let's get outta here Pip," Dewey murmured, pulling the dazed girl from her seat.

She thought over her conversation with Ray.

This was not good.

No, this was not good at all.

**A/N- kind of a shocker, huh? I figured, 'hey, these characters obnoxiously complex, why not make tone of them go re-enter the closet, never to return!'**

**Because Ray loves Pippin. Weird, huh? Don't worry, I didn't see it coming either.**

****IMPORTANT****

**9/11/01**

**Never Forget.**

**(I don't care if it goddamn offends you that I put that there, I'm gonna mourn my freaking people, mmkay?)**


	13. James Potter Is A Jerk

WTF IS THIS? AN UPDATE OMGGGGGGG!

**Screwy Dewey**

_Chapter 13_

**James Potter is a Jerk**

_1975 (Christmas, sixth year)_

Dewey pulled her jacket tighter around her, breathing into her hands to warm them.

"Bloody hell," She could see her breath in front of her, and pulled out her lighter to make a small fire she could carry in her palm. "'S bloody cold."

She walked down the snowy London street, stopping in front of a tall apartment building. She checked the address written down on a wrinkled piece of paper one last time before entering the building and heading for apartment _4D._

After several flights of stairs, she stood outside the white door. The paint was peeling off, and the door handle had rust covering half of it. Dewey knocked raptly, seventeen times, just as she was instructed.

From the other side of the door, there was a voice, "What's the password?"

Dewey scoffed, "I don't have a password."

"Then how do I know it's really you?"

"There is no freaking password and we both know it, you little shit, let me in, it's bleedin' freezin' out here."

"Yup, it's you," The door swung open and her idiot brother stood on the other side, arms wide open and expecting a hug, "Big sister!"

He received a punch to the shoulder and rough shove, "Where's the whiskey, I need something to warm me up..."

Remus popped out of nowhere, "Alcohol doesn't actually physically heat you up, it just makes you feel-"

He was cut off as Sirius clamped a hand over Remus' mouth, tsking at the smartest of them all, "Don't be a buzzkill, Moonison."

"Mmmmph, mmph mmph ffmph pmmph," He tried to say, but Sirius' hand was still there.

"Language like that is not tolerated in my new flat!" Sirius shouted, smacking Remus across the face.

"_Ow."_

"So, Dewey, how do you dig my bachelor pad?" The oldest Black brother grabbed Dewey by the upper arm and dragged her on a tour of the rather pathetic and dingy place, with one bedroom, a pull out couch, a bathroom with suspiciously dirty water, and a kitchenette.

"Isn't it _bee-you-tahful?" _He asked, spinning in a complete circle.

Dewey sat on the couch, crossing her legs, "Er, yeah. Wonderful. So, you rent the place?"

"Mmhmm, I've got it until July, then I can renew or whatever," He grinned, "It's only a few blocks away from Diagon Alley, so I got a job at Zonko's too! This is going to be the best winter break ever!"

"A job," Dewey said flatly, "Sounds riveting. Where's the booze?"

"Kitchen cabinet, above the fridge."

She entered the cramped space, looking around, "Sirius, you don't have a fridge."

"Oh, right," He shouted back from the other room, "I meant dish washer thingy."

She did not see any sort of electrical kitchen appliances anywhere, "I don't see it, mate."

His huff was audible from the other room, and she heard him enter behind her and reach around her to the cabinet right in front of her, revealing two bottles of Irish whiskey and some other drinks, "See, right above the dish washer."

Dewey raised an eyebrow, "Mate...you do realize that is a _sink, _don't you?"

"You do realize that muggles call them dish washers, don't you?" He replied snidely.

"Er, hate to break it to you, but muggles just call it a sink," She grabbed some shot glasses and the drinks before turning to bring it out to the others. When she turned, she smacked right into Sirius' chest, her chin colliding with his collarbone.

_When did he get so tall...?_

She had to tilt her head back a little to look him in the eye. At 5'10'', she didn't usually have to do that.

"Whoa," She laughed awkwardly, "How tall are you?"

"184 centimeters," He rubbed the back of his neck, "Well, 183.5, but I just rounded up."

"Feet, man, I went to school in America."

"Oh, right," He thought for a few moment, "Six feet one inch, I think."

"Nice," They stared at each other for a moment, "So, I guess I should take these-"

"Right, I'll just get out of the way," He left the kitchenette, and she followed close behind, holding up the whiskey.

"Who needs a drink?" She asked, and Peter cheered, with the others joining in shortly after. She glanced at Sirius and muttered, "I know I do."

_1976 (Halloween)_

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

James rolled onto his stomach to look at his best friend, "Imagine you're surrounding by Death Eaters, no hope of winning, you can only pick five people to help you fight. Who would you pick?"

"Well..." Sirius looked thoughtful, "I wouldn't pick anyone. If there was no hope of winning, I wouldn't want any of my friends going down with me."

James looked at him with shining in, leaning in for what Sirius thought was a hug, but turned out to be a smack across the head with a particularly heavy textbook.

"Oi!" Sirius shielded himself as the assault continued.

"When did you get a vagina? That was the lamest answer ever. Watch this," James turned and shouted to his sister, "Dewey! You're surrounded by DEs, there's no hope, you can have five people help you fight, who?"

Immediately and with no hesitation, Dewey answered, "Albus Dumbledore, Jasper Maskelyne, Dwight Eisenhower, Robert Erskine Childers, and Gandhi."

"Good answer," James whistled, impressed.

Sirius looked confused, "Who's Robert Erkskelferskell Childers?"

"He was an Irish nationalist," She chuckled, "He got sentenced to death by shooting and told the marksmen 'take a step forward, lads, it'll be easier that way' and shook all of their hands before they killed him."

"Are we talking about Robert Erskine Childers?" Doon approached the group happily, carrying a bag that was dripping with a suspiciously blood red substance.

"Yup," Dewey glanced warily at the sac in her friends' hand, "What's in the bag?"

"Dead ferrets," He replied casually, "So what's up?" They all stared at the bag for a moment before making up lame excuses and leaving as fast as they could. Doon looked confused, "What did I say?"

Dewey strode into the Great Hall, pausing when she saw rows upon rows of floating pumpkins, lit from the inside with candles. Faces were carved into each one, and each face was different.

"Whoa," She let out a low whistle, impressed with decorations. James stepped up beside her.

"Sure is something, innit?"

"What's it for?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Halloween. Duh."

Dewey paused, "Wait, when's Halloween?"

"Ummmm...today."

"Isn't Halloween in October?" Dewey scratched her head in confusion. "Halloween is definitely in October."

"Dewey, I hate to break it to you, but it _is_ October," James patted her shoulder.

"Oh. Oh wow. That's awkward. I thought it was September. It's totally September. Like, there's no way it's _not_ September..."

"Nope. October."

"Damn," She blinked, thinking hard, "I do not remember any of early October. Not even a little."

"Let's forget about your timeline difficulties, and move on to more important things...like food," James took off towards the Gryffindor table. Dewey turned the other way and scoured the table for Ray, but he was already at the Hufflepuff table with Pippin, both of them chatting amiably.

"How are my other-housely friends today?" She asked, plopping down next to the Slytherin boy.

They both smiled and laughed, the three of them cracking jokes and stuffing themselves for a while when Pippin left the table for a moment and Ray immediately started rambling to Dewey, "Okay, so, you know how I said I wasn't gay?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I am."

"Dude, seriously, just pick one. This is getting out of hand."

"No, I mean that I'm gay except with Pippin," He tried to explain, but Dewey just raised an eyebrow, "Like, you like guys. Except I know you've fooled around with a girl. Like, that one exception. That's Pippin for me."

"I think you're crazy."

"I'm not denying that, but that's for completely different reasons."

"No. You're crazy. What you need to do is make out with a girl, then with a guy, then decide who you like more." He stared at her, "And you're not making out with me."

"Damn. Well, I'm off to find a girl, then. Later."

He strutted out of the room, and a few seconds after he was gone Emma Peterson sat down across from her.

"So," When Emma smiled she looked like a particularly vicious wilderbeast, Dewey noted absently.

"So...?"

"What's up with you and Sirius?"

"I have never talked to you in my life ever. If there was something going on, _which there's not,_ I wouldn't tell you."

"Well, I just thought it was weird, since Sirius has a reputation as such a player. Since you've gotten here, he hasn't been sleeping around as much."

"He...sleeps around?"

"Yeah. I'm kind of honored that I was his first, back in fourth year..."

"_Fourth year?"_

"Mhm," Emma leaned in conspiratorially, "Isn't he _great_ in bed?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Weird. He must not like you as much as I thought he did," Emma shrugged, "You know what else is weird? Nobody here knew James even _had_ a twin sister until you showed up! I mean, I get it, look at you. You're a fire elemental, _and _ you don't even take care of your appearance. Your hair is like half burnt all the time. And he's so popular, so he wouldn't people thinking he had a sister who...you know," She seemed to realize your words, and hastened to correct herself, "Not that I think he's ashamed of you or anything. He must have had _some_ reason."

She stood when Pippin returned, "Well, I gotta get going. See you around!"

Dewey watched her go, not really sure what just happened. What a bitch...but still...

"Hey, Pippin, did you know I existed before I showed up here?"

Pippin thought on it, "No, none of the Marauders ever mentioned James having a sister. I think everyone would know if they had, especially because you're a fire elemental. Stuff like that spreads like wildfire."

"I see," Dewey stood, a sick feeling settling in her stomach, "Well, I'm going to go...tie my shoes...over there...bye."

She stormed off, in search of her stupid brother. She had words to exchange with that jerk. _Lots_ of words.

**A/N – I have a million and one reasons why I didn't update until now, but I really don't think you guys want to hear them, so...review? And don't hate me?**

**I made the present part extra long...**

***don't hate me***

**Oh, and I realized the timeline wasn't lined up right so I changed it...**


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